Normally I would tag my husband and I as rationalists. We're not heavily into rituals, traditions or organised religion, preferring to follow a more free and easy style. Yes, of course, if you're Indian, by and large believing in God seems to come more easily and naturally, as does believing in ghosts. But otherwise, we thought we were pretty scientific in terms of knowledge and up to date and all that jazz.
Well, four years and eight months ago, a mini-earthquake put all of our rationality to test. When little A ( gotta think of a more creative name...hmm how about Dennis - as in the Menace? naah...Chubbocks? That was one of his many nicknames...I have to try this out and see) was born, we started off all scientific and Dr. Spock-ey. Soon enough we realised that this kid had a major problem - that of attracting 'nazar'. Occidentals call it the Evil Eye, but it's not purely that, the way we Indians think about it. Nazar is something that happens when someone casts a complimentary eye on you or your kids or anything else. Somehow, the compliments are thought to awaken some unknown jealousies on the part of the universe, which then combine to cause a negative impact on the object of that jealousy. Sounds like mumbo-jumbo, right?
We thought so too. Until we observed a pattern. Every time Chubbocks got complimented or happened to be in the limelight, he'd fall ill that very day. Though he seemed perfectly fine at the start of the day. His part in the playschool play this summer? He was cutely dressed up in a bowtie and formal white shirt and trousers and attracted many smiles, pats on the head and so on. He was fine that morning, right upto the time he went to school. As soon as his performance finished, he started complaining of a headache, and by that night we had a full-blown throat infection on our hands. Last Saturday he attended a birthday party along with my husband and apparently got lots of compliments. Saturday night, he fell ill with a viral. One time, my husband bumped into an ex-colleague and took out a picture of Chubbocks to show him. That afternoon, Chubbocks started with high fever.
We've seen the same thing happen with the Puds as well. Anytime she gets complimented, she falls ill. In fact, we don't take her out to too many places even now, because she's at a stage where she just wants to run around, and not all public places are safe for her to do that. Lately she's been going to Chubbocks's school along with the maid to pick him up. Last week some three moms doing pick-up duty apparently commented on what a happy child she seems to be and how active it is. By evening, she was whiny, fretty and droopy - yup, a throat infection.
It sounds ridiculous for two grown adults with post grad educations to believe in such a concept. Especially when people say, "Bacche Bhagwan ka roop hote hain", i.e. Children are a manifestation of God. How can one cast Nazar on God, right?
But it happens. And that is why I have removed the pictures of the kiddos from the header of my Food blog.
Hey my job is to keep my kids safe and healthy, right? Even if it means I start believing in weird superstitions and acting irrationally! Comes with the territory.
7 comments:
That's fine, bird's eye view. My hubby and I have post-grad degrees too, but we have been blaming the 'nazar' thingy as well. Especially after having children.
These sort of things have happened in this household too. The belief gets reinforced when you see that the 'prayer' to ward off the said 'nazar' seems to have a nearly instantaneous effect.
I don't bother trying to reconcile the superstitions and beliefs with the scientific explanations anymore. For now, I'll keep 'em separate.
And, oh, I don't have too many photos of the kiddies on my blog, for the same reason.
I know what you mean. Though I stubbornly refuse to accept the "nazar" concept for my kids, I did entertain it briefly when I was pregnant with Baby M. You see, the first time I conceived with the help of IUI, it ended up in a blighted ovum right after we told J's parents. When I got my first internship, it got cancelled right after we told J's parents. When I got my H1B visa in 2000, the IT bubble burst... you guessed it! Right after we told J's parents. You see the pattern there? :D So now I don't tell my ILs of any good news until I absolutely have to and when it has been confirmed. We didn't tell them when we were buying our house, didn't tell them when we were about to get our green card, didn't tell them about my new job until I had the appointment letter in hand, didn't tell them about my second pregnancy until I had had the first ultra-sound....
I am completely with you in the 'Nazar' or 'dhrishti' like we call in tamil :) I have seen several patterns with my children too with the 'oohs and the aahs' they elicit when we go out shopping or go on a social visit. Like Mummyjan says it is better not to look for a scientific explanation for these things. Very nice post1
It's nice that we're indian, it's much easier to reconcile the 'scientific' and the irrational, eh, mummyjaan :)
Hmmm interesting pattern there, gettingtherenow:D
Thanks, mnamma, I now have my MIL and mom doing 'drishti tegiyodu' = nazar utaarna, long distance, with burnt chillies et al!
I'll tell you what, BEV, I don't know that my being Indian has anything to do with it. It was quite usual for me to argue with my mother and father about anything I found illogical, till I read a chapter on 'Ethics, Culture and Medicine' in one of the Paediatrics textbooks.
In it, a very wise paediatrician argued that if parents wanted to use a traditional remedy or charm or whatever alongside medical treatment, it should not be discouraged by the medical profession as long as it is not causing any obvious harm.
The concept of 'nazar' is not limited to the East. The nurses I worked with here in Ireland use the expression 'touch wood, please God' to avoid being 'jinxed' when things are going well. Any different from our 'Indian superstitions'? No, just different ways of expressing the same fears.
Dear CeeKay, I think you have denied 'nazar' in name but not in practice :)
When my kids get sick after going out and getting lots of admiring glances, two voices go off in my brain. One says 'drat, she picked up a bug'. The other one says 'uh-oh, kahin nazar to nahi lagi?' I invariably find myself using not just medicines and remedies but prayers too.
mummyjaan, I guess you're right, it's not the desi in us, it's the human in us that makes us all believe:)
So, what about the times they get sick and they WEREN'T complimented. You start believing someone must have just THOUGHT the compliment?
I would say that you are MUCH better off sticking to your scientific side because, no, this type of thinking is NOT fine.
But I do have a "superstition" that I stick to with a vengeance having to do with my kid's health. It is this: I don't get sick...and neither do they. We just DON'T get sick. Say it and it will be true. Make them believe it and it will be true. (Of course rationality comes along with this...I am not going to deny a dangerous fever when I see it.) But whether you chalk it up to a strong constitution which I have passed along genetically to my children or not, it works and I can FEEL it work. Instead of many people who at the first sign of illness in themselves or their children start thinking about what may have caused it, or which 'nazar' was present, or "gosh, we can't get sick right now", I just simply keep going as if I were not sick. I just tell my kids to "buck up, you aren't really all that sick." It works 9 times out of 10 for them and going on about 10 YEARS for me. On top of that I make it something to be PROUD of. We TALK about it. And if I were to go looking for a scientific explanation for this I am sure I would find it. The mind is a powerful thing. Positive thoughts invoke powerful metabolic forces. Nothing strange or mystical about that. Do NOT teach your kids that things can happen to them like "getting a compliment" and have it end up hurting them. That is absolute NONSENSE and more dangerous than you might think.
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