Kids and Violence

Just read something over at TBFKAMM ( the blog formerly known as Mad Momma) that sparked off some reminiscences. Chubbocks has always been a very gentle child. Right from the time he was a baby, he used to burst into tears if he just heard raised voices. Any time any other child or adult wanted something he was holding, he'd give it up without a murmur. I loved that about him, and I used to constantly tell him how hitting other people or shouting at them was bad behaviour ( ok, I admit he stopped listening during his terrible twos, but he reverted back later - and those types of behaviour were reserved for his daddy and me).

When he started out at Playschool, they had an accompanied class so I used to go along twice a week. I noticed that a lot of the other children were far from gentle -they were rough, snatched things and refused to share. Chubbocks would wait around for ages hoping someone would get off a scooter and let him ride on it or to play with the tool kit. If he was ever pushed or shoved or even hit, he'd just take it quietly and come home and tell me about it, weeping. Well, I didn't want him being a passive pushover so I told him that if anyone displays that kind of behaviour, he needs to tell them, "Please don't do that. It's not nice."

Being the sunshiny boy he is, our friend nodded and trotted off to school. And kept telling his pushy classmates politely that they shouldn't do x or y or z. Many of these brats being the kind who thought politeness was a sign of weakness, they started in on Chubbocks again. Not that he ever got bullied or anything - he was very popular with them, but he did have to tandency to get roughed up when his classmates were busy playing snatch and grab ( that's one of the reasons I've always hated Khoi bags and never have one at Chubbock's birthday parties).

Finally A decided that I was teaching him to be a sissy and that he wasn't going to be able to survive in this rough city if he didn't stand up for himself more aggressively. So he told Chubbocks - if anyone ever hits you, just hit them back and then say sorry but that nobody should hit anyone else. Well, believe it or not, last year, one of the reports we had on Chubbocks was that when excited he tended to get rough with other kids, though he was always quick to apologise and make friends again.

I'm not sure where I am on this whole debate. Personally, I think it's terrible to tell your child that he has permission to hit someone else, under any circumstances. On the other hand, I don't want people to target him for bullying because he's gentle. I just wish I could preserve his gentleness and his innocence the way it is. Basically, I wish other parents would judt do their bit in disciplining their own children and teaching them how to get along and be nice instead of letting them go right ahead with aggressive behaviour. What kids learn in childhood, they carry throughout their lives. Maybe governments ( or someone more effective) should get in on the act and do something that actually encourages non-violence and cooperation as a way of life, and that might change the way the world is, by the time our kids grow up.