Gender Equality?

Last week, when I wandered down to the park with my two terrors, Chubbocks immediately spotted some of his fellow cowboys and they were off, hooting and screaming, running, jumping, rampaging, climbing up the slide, trying to hang upside down from the swings, pushing each other up trees, racing...getting a good physical workout, coupled with a good one for their lungs, judging by all the hollering.

And there they were, a bunch of little princesses, little girls of between three and five, decorously and sedately perched on the grass, skirts carefully hitched up to prevent grass stains, gossiping. When Chubbocks asked them to come and play, they turned their noses up against these 'rough' boys.

Darn it, little girls of four and five have no business playing at princessy airs. They should be scrambling about just as much as the boys, running, playing, making mud pies and generally not caring two hoots about how they look and whether their skirts are rumpled. They should be out there developing their physical and gross and fine motor skills as well as the ability to be un-selfconscious, rather than worry about who's thinking what about whom.

I agree that some parts of this are hereditary - Chubbocks, whom we've always tried to bring up as gender neutral and even given lots of toys and dolls to in his babyhood just naturally veered towards the Hot Wheels the first time we took him into a toy store. And Puddi is already fascinated by my jewelry and prances about trying to put my earrings on her unpierced ears. But beyond that, Puddi is showing all the signs of becoming a rowdy little tomboy, imitating her brother by trying to climb up the slide, yelling at the full pitch of her well-developed lungs, playing with mud, jumping off the sofa and so on. While Chubs loves playing at cooking and helping me in the kitchen, helps to clean up around the house, dusting and so on. We have no girl jobs and boy jobs in the house, and that's the way it should be.

But I also remember my youth, when I was the tomboy, running around and wanting to play, wandering around the neighbourhood collecting stray props for a telematch I was organising, until some of the other girls' mothers protested that they didn't want the girls doing 'dangerous stunts'. The height of the proposed danger being to climb a frangipani tree which must have been all of 8 feet tall. I was out doing errands, walking down to Pandara or Khan market, climbing trees to build a treehouse, trying to learn how to turn somersaults ( never managed, sadly), splashing into puddles and being an explorer through the thick, unkempt garden that ran through the lane at the back. Most of the other girls were kept tethered on a short rope that extended as far as 6 houses away in either direction from their homes. What annoys me is, I thought this attitude would change with time, and that today's parents would be less apt to stereotype and that today's kids would be less led by gender, given all the different things that both men and women have learnt, accomplished and done.

I really got upset with the girls who were so prissy already and wondered how fast they would progress along that slippery slope to vanity, anorexia, dieting and all the rest that awaits princesses today. And even today, many parents aren't helping. My friend's daughter who is 11 years old told me that she loves playing games, but her friends just want to go for walks or sit around and chat, so very often she is hanging out by herself or playing with the boys which leads to further commenting and sniggering from her friends. Another friend who's planning to write about the few good female role models in children's media was telling me about a little girl she knew who wanted to join the school football team but was dissuaded by her mom who said it would make her thighs thick and unattractive.

It burns me up that right from a young age, so many parents still bring up their girls to believe that their appearance is their chief asset. That explains all the matrimonial ads, in which the girl is always beautiful, fair and homely, regardless of any other qualities she may or may not possess, while the boy is described only in terms of his education, career and earnings. I'm already worrying about where I'll find playmates for Puddi who're boisterous, unselfconscious and just out to play and have fun, rather than be little models of decorum...Maybe I could drink Alice's 'shrink me' potion?