What my mom taught me

Got this as an email forward and had to put it up here.

I OWE MY MOTHER SO MUCH:
>>>
>>> 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
>>>
>>> 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
>>> I just finished cleaning.'
>>>
>>> 2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
>>> 'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'
>>>
>>> 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
>>> 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
>>> of next week!'
>>>
>>> 4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
>>> ' Because I said so, that's why.'
>>>
>>> 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
>>> 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
>>> to the store with me.'
>>>
>>> 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
>>> 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
>>>
>>> 7. My mother taught me IRONY .
>>> 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
>>>
>>> 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
>>> 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
>>>
>>> 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
>>> 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
>>>
>>> 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA 'You'll sit there until all
>>> that spinach is gone.'
>>>
>>> 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
>>> 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
>>>
>>> 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY 'If I told you once, I've
>>> told you a million times.
>>> Don't exaggerate!'
>>>
>>> 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
>>> 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
>>>
>>> 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
>>> 'Stop acting like your father!'
>>>
>>> 15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
>>> 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
>>> don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
>>>
>>> 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
>>> 'Just wait until we get home.'
>>>
>>> 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
>>> 'You are going to get it when you get home!'
>>>
>>> 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
>>> 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck
>>> that way.'
>>>
>>> 19. My mother taught me ESP .
>>> 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
>>>
>>> 20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
>>> 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
>>>
>>> 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
>>> 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
>>>
>>> 22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
>>> 'You're just like your father.'
>>>
>>> 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
>>> 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'
>>>
>>> 24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
>>> 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
>>>
>>> 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE 'One day
>>> you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you '