Privileged Kids

Remember how simple and how fun birthday parties used to be back in our growing up years? You'd go around and invite all the neighbourhood kids - no fancy schmancy invitation cards. I can't remember ever inviting a school pal who wasn't also a neighbourhood pal, because people came to school from all over Delhi, and it just wasn't practical or even the done thing to ask your parents to ferry you across the city for a birthday party. At school, you handed out one or two Ravalgaon or Parry's toffees - those hard ones that you sucked and sucked until they became brittle, sharp little things that you could crunch up in a jiffy - to everyone and that was that. Or, when you grew older and had a 'set' of friends, you would treat 5 or 6 of them to the stale samosa/ bread pakora that the school canteen offered.

My parents didn't believe in decking up the house with all manner of balloons or crepe paper - If I wanted crepe paper put up I had to do it, and I had better things to do with my time. The neighbourhood kids would troop in one by one, clutching a gift sometimes - I had a huge grouse against my dad because he had this thing against announcing that we were having a birthday party - he'd insist that I say it was just a general kids' party, so if I didn't dare to hint at least to some of my close pals that it was for my birthday, no one would come clutching gifts - and that's kind of the whole point of birthday parties, right? All the kids would be dressed neatly and tidily, the boys with hair well-oiled and sharply parted, looking like geeks, and the girls, as always for 'occasions' in frilly and hideous frocks, with socks and Mary Jane shoes. We would play games like passing the parcel or, as one grew older, Treasure hunt. I still remember making up the parcel that was passed around, carefully writing out the instructions for each layer. The return gifts for kids would be toffees and sometimes, those Flora pencils with the pink flowers on them which were always cherished, and erasers. Sometimes one would get 'scented rubbers' and all the kids would keep sniffing at the scent as if it were 'all the perfumes of Araby'. All the food would be cooked by hardworking mums who'd have worked through the day. One never had a store-bought cake, at best a home made one if at all. Biscuits, glasses of Rasna or Squash, homemade namkeens and some sweets. And one went home conscious of having had a riotously good time.

Today things are mighty different. My son has a birthday party every day this week, since his entire class at school has kids who have mid Feb - March birthdays. Today's party is at a farmhouse. All the party invites have come as formal cards, and some of the parties have had themes - Ben 10, Power Ranger, Superman and so on. They have been at exclusive clubs with puppet shows, toy train rides(!), magicians and so on. Mothers have swished up to the venue in their gleaming mercs, dropping Chanel bags and diamonds. One such invitation that we declined on the grounds of not being fancy enough ( us not them) was way back in playschool for a kid who was turning 3. His parents had organised his birthday party at a 5 star hotel in town, complete with a cocktail party on the side for the adults. Even the presents and return gifts are so elaborate - one of the presents he got last year was a toy robot, and return gifts include all kinds of merchandise from the latest cartoon craze to strike the kids, mugs painted with their photographs, fancy photoframes, clocks and the like.

Honestly, the level of action at these birthday parties makes me feel a little ill. I'm just not equipped in attitudinal terms to go with these flows. For Chubbocks' 1st birthday party, my folks hosted a party where they invited all their friends and ours. It was held at a club but pretty simple despite all that - just good food and a few balloons. Since then, until last year when he turned 4 and started to have friends of his own, I had simple family and close friends parties at home - up on our roof garden since his birthday conveniently comes just when all the spring flowers are in bloom. All the food was home made, there were no balloons and no hoopla, just a bunch of people who loved him and us and got together to celebrate his arrival. And we're pretty clear in our policy for birthday gifts - we always give books - either the classics, e.g. fairy tales type, or educational ones, and those too within a certain price range.

Last year we hosted in a Pizza Hut because I had my hands full with a fulltime job and a nursing baby, and while they did an ok job, I found the party lacking soul. This year, we're back to hosting it in a park within our colony. The only catch is that A has decided, in a fit of extravagance, to hire a Columbus ( the swing ride). Honestly, it's costing quite a bit and while we can afford it, I'd rather the money was put to better use. But I am making all the food, except the cake, at home. This year's party has gotten a little out of hand, to tell the truth, and I'm struggling to make my peace with it. For many reasons, including the wasteful expenditure, but most of all because I can't bring myself to imagine that kids would have that much more fun surrounded by all these organised amusements and doodads than simple games that involve running around mindlessly and tiring themselves out. And because I don't want my kids growing up with anything but middle class values like hard work, simplicity, perseverance and a healthy value for money even if our incomes have lifted us out of the middle class category.

I've already decided that next year for his birthday, I'm going to go right back to my roots and host a simple party at home, with home made food ( well, ok, we'll order the cake) and party games for indoors and outdoors which involve playing and not 'being amused' like so many little Lords and Ladies. And if his friends don't appreciate it tough luck - I'm pretty sure my kids will. And even if they don't and feel a little deprived, well, all it means is that I need to work harder at inculcating a sense of values into them.