Motherhood Statement

When I was pregnant with our first baby, there were many things I looked forward to and equally many things I dreaded. 6 years and 3 kids down the road, it's been much easier and far more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined. Of course it has had its share of challenging moments – an all-night tantrum by first born, hospital stays for the first two and watching them with IVs going in, feeling that all too familiar mommy guilt at not spending or wanting to spend every waking minute of free time with them, hearing those terrible wails of 'mamma don't leave me', when each of the first two first saw me going in to work…But boy are the compensations fab:

1. No performance review ever sounds better: When was the last time your boss got excited just to see you come in to work?
   

Bojjandi starts gurgling and cooing and practically throws himself out of the maid's arms into mine each time he sees me. Puddi will look super-excited if I'm home when she's back from the park and rushes into the house excitedly squealing, "Mamma, you come!". Chubbocks will taste a salad or something I've whipped up, look up with his eyes round with wonder and appreciation and go, "Mamma, this is fab! How did you even make this? You're a chef!"

1. The job description is what you make of it:
   

Yesterday I got to spend a whole half hour resting my cheek against Bojjandi's soft one, feeling his chubby little hands pull out my remaining hair strand by strand and nuzzling the downy hair on his head ( yup, he's still bald). Today I and the kids lolled around, ate popcorn and watched Mary Poppins on DVD at 11 in the morning.

1. You're the boss:
   

When you say 'hop to it', they do. At least until they find out the truth – that you're putty in their little hands and that one tear or sad face is good for a whole lot of 'get out of jail free' passes.

1. You always have little helpers around:
   

Whether it's carrying a glass back to the kitchen or setting the table, reading to the younger kids, keeping an eye on the baby when he learns to roll over or scratching your back where you can't reach, you always have someone at your beck and call. And they can't quit, they work for minimum wage (a few hugs, kisses and thank-yous) and are legal workers despite being underage. Oh yeah, and the dad has to chip in too, no question about it, whereas when he was just the husband you couldn't get even a quarter of the help you do now. Of course, you do run a few risks, like having grape juice on your new yellow carpet…but I've always loved the colour purple, haven't you?

1. You can never get fired:
   

Even though there are the days when Chubbocks and I rage at each other or Puddi annoys me by doing her best to hurt herself by climbing the furniture, at the end of the day no one else can sing the family lullaby the same way, kiss just the right hurt away or know when to stop scratching their back at bedtime. No one else can be called by the same designation, no one can ever replace you.

Conversations in a foreign language

Chubbocks: Mama, you know dragonblashter is much bigger than aqua but naga is the strongest…

Me: Huh???

 

Puddi: Mama, what is thish? ( pointing to the table mat)

Me: Tablemat

Puddi: No

Me: Cloth

Puddi: No

Me(talking about the design on the table mat): Soup

Puddi: No

Me: I give up!

Puddi: It is a thish!

Bojjandi: Gurgle, gurgle…oogle oople goo…garhhhhh!

Me: Them's my sentiments, exactly!

Changes upon changes

A, typically doesn't like change and has been known to cringe each time I change my hairstyle. Me – I love it, and go out looking for change, whether it's something as simple as changing the look of the house per season or something longer-lasting. Chubbocks takes after his dad in this aspect. When we were changing over from a parent-child class to a child alone class in playschool, he just couldn't take the change. For close on a month we tried – him in the classroom, with teachers he had become accustomed to during his previous class, and us outside, steeling ourselves and wishing we could turn deaf as his distressing wails of 'Call Mamma back' pierced our hearts. We tried permutations and combinations – I went in the first week, then A went. Then we sent him with our maid. Nothing worked and eventually his distress just broke our hearts. We put him back into the accompanied class, and then ensured his maid accompanied him for the rest of the term, not us. And we repeatedly had to talk him through the changes to come so that he could adjust. Luckily, from then on, despite a sudden change of playschool and later his transition into a proper school, he and some of his playschool classmates were in the same batch and sections so it went much more easily. But we've had to learn that he needs to be talked through and prepared for transitions.

So when the time rolled around last Wednesday for Puddi to move into a proper playschool, A and I were anxious. To eb sure Puddi was excited about her new school but we weren't sure how she'd react when she saw her dad walking out of the classroom. Well, as always, Miss Looney surprised us. She walked confidently into class and held her teacher's hand. Mildly clingy, she soon settled down. On day two, A left her at the gate and came back and Miss P managed her schoolday all by herself. Today she's gone excitedly bouncing off, Bob-the-Builder bag slung on her back and a bulging lunchbox within, all excited at going to School! Wow, my baby made it! She's a big girl now!

My marshmallow

Puddi has a really interesting personality, and now the she is becoming increasingly communicative, her personality is really shining through. So far, thankfully there are no signs of terrible twos and given she's nearly three, I think we can stop waiting for the tantrums. Most of the time she has a sunshiny temperament and is happy to amuse herself by playing pretend games or clambering up and down furniture, running like a mad creature from one corner of the house to another. She has a really feminine side to her – she loves preening and any time she finds a scarf or dupatta of mine, she'll ask to wear a sari or she'll drape the fabric around her face, with the most amazing bride-like expression of confidence mixed with coyness on her face. She loves jangling her bangles and transferring them from one hand to the other. Her big complaint while changing clothes is that no one should even accidentally take any of the bangles off. She has decided to start selecting what to wear herself, something that even Chubbocks still has to start doing, and particularly for a party is very conscious of wanting to be 'dressed up'.

But she's also a feisty little thing. Whenever Chubbocks teases her or roughhouses, she'll give it right back to him. When she had just learnt to start speaking, she used to tell Chubbocks, "Stop shouting!" She's keen on doing the same things as he, physically, and is fearless whether she's climbing the monkey gym, swinging higher or trying to scarper up our cupboards. She loves physical activity and charges around all day. A real little Krishna, when she was younger, she used to steal butter and dahi out of the fridge. She'd open the fridge door, quietly dip her hand into either item and start eating, feeling shielded from discovery by the door. Nowadays she steals candy, or grapes and strawberries, and she loves 'chandra' ( santra/ orange). She has a real sense of fun and humour and keeps trying to make jokes and reacts to fun situations with a broad grin if not an outright laugh. Quite the loon, we rarely get photographs of her with a normal expression, she's so busy pulling faces.

But she also has this meltingly soft side to her. Every day when I come home from work, she buries her head in my knees and says, "I love you mama". Before going up to bed, or even several times a day, she'll come up to Bojjandi and rub her soft cheek against his downy head and tell us, "I looove him". She freely hands out hugs and kisses to A and Chubbocks all day long, and never has to be told to share stuff. Last night, Chubbocks got scolded for something by A. He was upset for ages, while their nightly bedtime story reading was going on. A carried on reading but Puddi was mighty distracted and spent her time looking over at Chubbocks. By the time two of the three stories were over, she couldn't stand it anymore. "Abba, I want to love Chubbocks", she said and sidled out of bed to give her brother a long hug and kiss and make things right for him.

Vintage wine…

We have invented some nice rituals for birthdays around here. On the birthday morning, the birthday person is woken up by the rest of the family singing a cacophonous song, "Hurray, hurray it's a happy birthday…sing a happy song, sing along, it's X's birthday!" to the tune of Holi-holiday by Boney M. We make a weird-looking crown, using some brightly coloured paper and my hairband and the birthday person has to wear it upon getting up until they get ready for the day. Chubbocks' birthday gave us some good opportunities for leg-pulling too. We told him we could only afford 2 books and a water pistol this year. Being a sweetie, he was all agog at the mention of books. Then, come birthday morning, after the singing, he was presented with a gift-wrapped bicycle helmet, in vivid bright yellow and blue. We told him it was to ensure he could ride around on his bicycle safely. "Can I have a cycle for my birthday? A Firefox?" he pleaded, brown eyes all melty. "No, C, we can't afford it this year but you can have this nice helmet."

Quite excited about showing it off on his old cycle, our man came into the living room and almost missed seeing his brand new Firefox cycle standing right in the center. Once he saw it, his face bloomed like a flower, all excited and bashful at the same time. He had his first accident right here, bashing into the Aram candlestand. We had a traditional oil ceremony at my parents' house, where he received his bonus gift of the year – a large Casio keyboard!

On my birthday I was expecting to keep things simple…and they were. We began as usual with the song and crown. A surprised me with a lovely necklace – very chic and modern. Quite a surprise since I wasn't expecting gifts this year. Then I toodled off to work, getting many calls from family and friends enroute. Work was a bit crazy with many stirring happenings and my boss being in town. We wound up having lunch at the food court – some yummy Thai curry and rice. Back at home, the kids agreed to go to bed early and conveniently slept off on time, giving A and me the chance to go out on a date. We went to a bar-restaurant right around the corner from the house. The food sucked but the drink was nice and the music peppy, and being around so many people much younger than moi made me feel all pepped up.

At the end of the evening, I realized that though I was older in life experience, I didn't feel a whole heck of a lot older in real years, in maturity ( sometimes), in almost any way that counts. I didn't feel the urge to wear dull colours, stop or start colouring my hair or making any lifestyle changes apart from exercising. Hey, at last I was happy to be me!

Investment Tips for my children

Hey there, kiddos,

I haven't the best track record when it comes to making investments. When I first started working, for several years I didn't bother making any kind of investments because, having been born and brought up in a government-salary, single-income family where money was always tight, I thought this was my time to have fun with the money. I shopped, I traveled, I ate out - yes, it was a blast. But I do wish now, in hindsight, that I had been just a trifle more prudent and salted away a small fraction of that money, so that we would have a nest egg today. See - that's what happens when you get married late. You don't think about things like this and while you're busy making whoopee, time's a-fleeting. So, my children, here are some of the things I wish I had or hadn't done, and I wanted to pass on the benefit of this wisdom to you so you don't have these kinds of regrets or if-only thoughts when you're my age. And so that you can never tell me "You didn't tell me so", years later!

1. Invest early, invest often. I'm not saying you have to save all the money you earn or receive as an allowance, but put away a fixed percentage of it from as early as you can - it'll pay off big time in about ten years, and allow you the flexibility of calling the shots, whether you want to backpack around the world for a year, just take time off to stay home with your kids or splurge on solitaires.

2. Invest in property early. It always pays off. one of the reasons your dad and I were able to fool around in Europe for a year was because your grandfather forced me to buy a flat when I was 22. The proceeds from that sale bought us a pretty nice lifestyle in Europe and later.

3. When you first start investing in property - remember, it's an investment. Don't think about it in terms of "I wouldn't be caught dead living here". That's a sure way of losing out on opportunities to cash in as your dad and I can tell you. Don't worry about the apartment being tiny and too far from your friends - your tenants will find it large and roomy and will make new friends there!

4. Buy only term insurance. Anyone who sells you insurance as an investment is busy laughing all the way to the bank.

5. Invest in the stock market. Invest regularly and don't buy stocks or companies that everyone is talking about. And if there's a time when everyone including your driver seems to be talking about the market and the gains hit the front page of the regular newspaper - sell everything and hoard your money.

6. Re. the stock market: buy only stocks or companies you understand. Set a gain target of either time or percentage, and the minute your stock hits that percentage gain, sell off enough to recoup your initial investment. That way you;re only winning or losing notional money and it doesn't hurt so much.

7. Be prudent, be wise but be balanced. At the end of the day, it is only money and life is much bigger than that!