Loving all of me

Madmomma asked me a while ago, for an article she was writing, whether there was any body part that I hated. I thought about it and replied, "My feet".

It's true - I always hated my feet. They're really really huge, for one thing. It's as if they were in training to carry a much taller person, or they had some prescience that I would grow up and become the hulking figure I am today and they'd have to support that entire roll of lard all by themselves.

My toes are fat, podgy things, quite shapeless, even back when I was slim with a Monroe-esque figure ( 34, 24, 35!!!). My little toes clearly got squished right from when I was in the womb - they have a curled-in toe nail that's very hard to cut and impossible to get nail polish on. The rest of my toe nails are thick and a natural beige, so they can't really look sparkling clean. When I was growing up, dad used to joke that I had iron feet, since nothing but the thickest, most boring footwear lasted longer than a couple of weeks. I remember when I'd started working, I had a pair of sandals that looked like they were made from recycled tyres, which I bought only for the longevity factor.

Well, over time everyone developes their own coping strategies. Mine are: in summer at least, to get french pedicures done as often as possible ( once a month is the limit of my endurance of trips to a beauty salon). The rest of the year, I do my best to deck out my feet in the most stylish footwear I can find. In fact, after MM asked me this question, I realised I don't hate my feet any more - because they give me a good reason to splurge on stylish shoes and keep building up my collection. If I'd had beautiful feet, I'd probably have wanted to live in strappy sandals and kohlapuris and never explored the world of boots, pumps and sandals that cover up the toes. And if a pair of shoes conks off, as they will, why that's just an excuse to buy one new pair, no?

Quite apart from that, which is a fun reason, I realise my feet have kept me active, helped me see the world and explore new places. They've made it possible to run after and rescue my son when he fell into the pool, to play cricket and field the ball for my kids, take romantic walks with boyfriends/ husband...Like me, they may not be beauties but they get the job done!

The other day I was critically looking at my lumpy shape and thinking that though I'm overweight, except for my belly which is hanging out to the next room and often sees new places before the rest of me does, I'm pretty well-proportioned. For a couple of minutes I looked down resentfully at the belly. Then I realised that this was the home of my three most precious gifts, my kids, for nine ( more or less, usually less) months. This was where my body nurtured them and gave them comfort, gave them a safe environment to thrive and grow big enough to face the outside world on their own.

Yes, I could do with a smaller belly and am and will be taking steps ( literally, as in restarting my running program) to reduce its size, but there's no way that I could resent it having become this big or sticking out. Now when I go to the swimming pool with the kids, I don't feel embarrassed or feel the need to cover it up or hide it. It's perfect because it's an indication of the natural process I went through to get my children. It's part of my life process.