Kids and Violence

This is starting to become an old song on my blog, but I don't get the deal with kids these days and violence. Last week, one of Chubbock's classmates, the guy who was the shyest kid in playschool, pushed Chubbocks and knocked him down and then STOMPED on his ear while wearing sneakers!! Chubbocks being the gentle boy he is didn't retaliate, just told the teacher who apparently had a word with the kid and said they would chat about it as a group during circle time as well. But honestly, what a violent impulse, and where's the sense of self-control which kids should start learning by the age of five?


At the park over the weekend, one kid's brother fell down, so the kid ( the elder brother), starts pointing and laughing, saying, "Mera bhai mar gaya" ( my brother died). No empathy, no going over to check if the little kid is hurt, just standing there and enjoying the 'fun'. And here are my two little misfits running to kiss anyone whom they see falling down and saying sorry even if they haven't been responsible - it's not something I've consciously taught them so how do some parents manage to stamp this natural goodness out of their kids? Sometimes I feel my kids won't be able to relate to their peers because their values and behaviour will be so out of sync!


All these kids in Chubbock's class- and it's a swish school so presumably the parents are educated/ have access to media and should be knowledgeable - have seen Race ( a thriller with fratricide as the theme), Welcome ( a movie about a gangster wanting to marry off his sister) and Hello Baby ( about 3 bachelors who wind up with someone's illegitimate baby). They regularly watch shows on Cartoon Network, which is rapidly degenarating into showing only violent Japanese cartoons, with the favourite being Ben 10 about a boy who fights aliens, throws bombs, kicks aliens down and so on. Every day they come to school and fill in Chubbocks ( who isn't allowed to watch) on what happened the previous day. On the other hand, when we went to see Horton Hears a Who, a wonderful adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book, all about tolerance and accepting differences, we were amongst the 6 people in the theatre.


I don't get it. Are people really that unaware, that illiterate about the impact of media particularly on little kids who have yet to learn to distinguish media from the real world? I recently contributed an article to a book on Media Literacy for Children and it was amazing to see the kinds of measures other countries have taken and what little we do here in India, just because media is 'independent'. In Germany and a host of European countries, ads are banned during children's programming, and they have strict guidelines on what programming is suitable for what agegroup, which parents follow. Here, I don't think anyone else besides Chubs watched Teletubbies till age 4!


The other thing I don't get is the lack of self-discipline. If the parents are so hooked into the soaps with all their negative characters and negative behaviour they should have the sense to send their kids out of the room. Or if they are dying to watch the latest movie, get a babysitter of some sort or wait for the damn DVD which will hit stores in a couple weeks anyway. How can they drag their young kids to an adult movie, sometimes a night show, even, and not expect that to have any consequences on the children's values or their health? But I know ex-colleagues and friends who have made it a 'family together' thing to sit and watch the soaps with their kids from the time the kids were under 3. What is the kid going to decode about acceptable codes of behavious, about right and wrong, about values, about anything other than wearing heavy kanjeevaram sarees all day along with hideous jewellery, tons of make-up and then sit about plotting something or other every day?


I'm planning to write and then speak with the principal of Chubbocks' school and ask them to have a workshop for parents and teachers on media literacy and the impact of media on children. The school is pretty open about this kind of stuff so hopefully they will go along. Meanwhile, I'm all set to watch a movie this weekend ( again A) and what's the bet the hall will be chockablock with li'l'uns?


Okay, rant over, am going to leave you with a picture of James Dean running away with his sister!

Don't worry, the fierce expression is just mugging for the camera - he's a real pussycat!

Kids and Violence

Just read something over at TBFKAMM ( the blog formerly known as Mad Momma) that sparked off some reminiscences. Chubbocks has always been a very gentle child. Right from the time he was a baby, he used to burst into tears if he just heard raised voices. Any time any other child or adult wanted something he was holding, he'd give it up without a murmur. I loved that about him, and I used to constantly tell him how hitting other people or shouting at them was bad behaviour ( ok, I admit he stopped listening during his terrible twos, but he reverted back later - and those types of behaviour were reserved for his daddy and me).

When he started out at Playschool, they had an accompanied class so I used to go along twice a week. I noticed that a lot of the other children were far from gentle -they were rough, snatched things and refused to share. Chubbocks would wait around for ages hoping someone would get off a scooter and let him ride on it or to play with the tool kit. If he was ever pushed or shoved or even hit, he'd just take it quietly and come home and tell me about it, weeping. Well, I didn't want him being a passive pushover so I told him that if anyone displays that kind of behaviour, he needs to tell them, "Please don't do that. It's not nice."

Being the sunshiny boy he is, our friend nodded and trotted off to school. And kept telling his pushy classmates politely that they shouldn't do x or y or z. Many of these brats being the kind who thought politeness was a sign of weakness, they started in on Chubbocks again. Not that he ever got bullied or anything - he was very popular with them, but he did have to tandency to get roughed up when his classmates were busy playing snatch and grab ( that's one of the reasons I've always hated Khoi bags and never have one at Chubbock's birthday parties).

Finally A decided that I was teaching him to be a sissy and that he wasn't going to be able to survive in this rough city if he didn't stand up for himself more aggressively. So he told Chubbocks - if anyone ever hits you, just hit them back and then say sorry but that nobody should hit anyone else. Well, believe it or not, last year, one of the reports we had on Chubbocks was that when excited he tended to get rough with other kids, though he was always quick to apologise and make friends again.

I'm not sure where I am on this whole debate. Personally, I think it's terrible to tell your child that he has permission to hit someone else, under any circumstances. On the other hand, I don't want people to target him for bullying because he's gentle. I just wish I could preserve his gentleness and his innocence the way it is. Basically, I wish other parents would judt do their bit in disciplining their own children and teaching them how to get along and be nice instead of letting them go right ahead with aggressive behaviour. What kids learn in childhood, they carry throughout their lives. Maybe governments ( or someone more effective) should get in on the act and do something that actually encourages non-violence and cooperation as a way of life, and that might change the way the world is, by the time our kids grow up.