Greetings wonderful MTBs!!!
and good work to all of you!
For having solved the riddle before
I give you all this clue.
The letter " K "
Write it down, add it on...
And let’s move on to the next little song.
“A super duper chilled mom, sunny and bright
Adores her darling “firstborn” – that sure is right
Not one, not two, not three, not four
Tis six different blogs she hangs out at, por favor
A lady who likes to do tags when they’re “red hot”
A surefire thirst for blogging, she’s definitely got.”
Solve it and you get your lead
Misguess, and you lose your speed
Solve it slow but solve it now
And before you go, take a little bow
Go to 'Comments' and leave me a clue
Tell me which blog you are off to.
Good luck! Good luck! Be on your way.
You have your work, cut out for the day!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Kids and Violence
This is starting to become an old song on my blog, but I don't get the deal with kids these days and violence. Last week, one of Chubbock's classmates, the guy who was the shyest kid in playschool, pushed Chubbocks and knocked him down and then STOMPED on his ear while wearing sneakers!! Chubbocks being the gentle boy he is didn't retaliate, just told the teacher who apparently had a word with the kid and said they would chat about it as a group during circle time as well. But honestly, what a violent impulse, and where's the sense of self-control which kids should start learning by the age of five?
At the park over the weekend, one kid's brother fell down, so the kid ( the elder brother), starts pointing and laughing, saying, "Mera bhai mar gaya" ( my brother died). No empathy, no going over to check if the little kid is hurt, just standing there and enjoying the 'fun'. And here are my two little misfits running to kiss anyone whom they see falling down and saying sorry even if they haven't been responsible - it's not something I've consciously taught them so how do some parents manage to stamp this natural goodness out of their kids? Sometimes I feel my kids won't be able to relate to their peers because their values and behaviour will be so out of sync!
All these kids in Chubbock's class- and it's a swish school so presumably the parents are educated/ have access to media and should be knowledgeable - have seen Race ( a thriller with fratricide as the theme), Welcome ( a movie about a gangster wanting to marry off his sister) and Hello Baby ( about 3 bachelors who wind up with someone's illegitimate baby). They regularly watch shows on Cartoon Network, which is rapidly degenarating into showing only violent Japanese cartoons, with the favourite being Ben 10 about a boy who fights aliens, throws bombs, kicks aliens down and so on. Every day they come to school and fill in Chubbocks ( who isn't allowed to watch) on what happened the previous day. On the other hand, when we went to see Horton Hears a Who, a wonderful adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book, all about tolerance and accepting differences, we were amongst the 6 people in the theatre.
I don't get it. Are people really that unaware, that illiterate about the impact of media particularly on little kids who have yet to learn to distinguish media from the real world? I recently contributed an article to a book on Media Literacy for Children and it was amazing to see the kinds of measures other countries have taken and what little we do here in India, just because media is 'independent'. In Germany and a host of European countries, ads are banned during children's programming, and they have strict guidelines on what programming is suitable for what agegroup, which parents follow. Here, I don't think anyone else besides Chubs watched Teletubbies till age 4!
The other thing I don't get is the lack of self-discipline. If the parents are so hooked into the soaps with all their negative characters and negative behaviour they should have the sense to send their kids out of the room. Or if they are dying to watch the latest movie, get a babysitter of some sort or wait for the damn DVD which will hit stores in a couple weeks anyway. How can they drag their young kids to an adult movie, sometimes a night show, even, and not expect that to have any consequences on the children's values or their health? But I know ex-colleagues and friends who have made it a 'family together' thing to sit and watch the soaps with their kids from the time the kids were under 3. What is the kid going to decode about acceptable codes of behavious, about right and wrong, about values, about anything other than wearing heavy kanjeevaram sarees all day along with hideous jewellery, tons of make-up and then sit about plotting something or other every day?
I'm planning to write and then speak with the principal of Chubbocks' school and ask them to have a workshop for parents and teachers on media literacy and the impact of media on children. The school is pretty open about this kind of stuff so hopefully they will go along. Meanwhile, I'm all set to watch a movie this weekend ( again A) and what's the bet the hall will be chockablock with li'l'uns?
Okay, rant over, am going to leave you with a picture of James Dean running away with his sister!
Don't worry, the fierce expression is just mugging for the camera - he's a real pussycat!
At the park over the weekend, one kid's brother fell down, so the kid ( the elder brother), starts pointing and laughing, saying, "Mera bhai mar gaya" ( my brother died). No empathy, no going over to check if the little kid is hurt, just standing there and enjoying the 'fun'. And here are my two little misfits running to kiss anyone whom they see falling down and saying sorry even if they haven't been responsible - it's not something I've consciously taught them so how do some parents manage to stamp this natural goodness out of their kids? Sometimes I feel my kids won't be able to relate to their peers because their values and behaviour will be so out of sync!
All these kids in Chubbock's class- and it's a swish school so presumably the parents are educated/ have access to media and should be knowledgeable - have seen Race ( a thriller with fratricide as the theme), Welcome ( a movie about a gangster wanting to marry off his sister) and Hello Baby ( about 3 bachelors who wind up with someone's illegitimate baby). They regularly watch shows on Cartoon Network, which is rapidly degenarating into showing only violent Japanese cartoons, with the favourite being Ben 10 about a boy who fights aliens, throws bombs, kicks aliens down and so on. Every day they come to school and fill in Chubbocks ( who isn't allowed to watch) on what happened the previous day. On the other hand, when we went to see Horton Hears a Who, a wonderful adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book, all about tolerance and accepting differences, we were amongst the 6 people in the theatre.
I don't get it. Are people really that unaware, that illiterate about the impact of media particularly on little kids who have yet to learn to distinguish media from the real world? I recently contributed an article to a book on Media Literacy for Children and it was amazing to see the kinds of measures other countries have taken and what little we do here in India, just because media is 'independent'. In Germany and a host of European countries, ads are banned during children's programming, and they have strict guidelines on what programming is suitable for what agegroup, which parents follow. Here, I don't think anyone else besides Chubs watched Teletubbies till age 4!
The other thing I don't get is the lack of self-discipline. If the parents are so hooked into the soaps with all their negative characters and negative behaviour they should have the sense to send their kids out of the room. Or if they are dying to watch the latest movie, get a babysitter of some sort or wait for the damn DVD which will hit stores in a couple weeks anyway. How can they drag their young kids to an adult movie, sometimes a night show, even, and not expect that to have any consequences on the children's values or their health? But I know ex-colleagues and friends who have made it a 'family together' thing to sit and watch the soaps with their kids from the time the kids were under 3. What is the kid going to decode about acceptable codes of behavious, about right and wrong, about values, about anything other than wearing heavy kanjeevaram sarees all day along with hideous jewellery, tons of make-up and then sit about plotting something or other every day?
I'm planning to write and then speak with the principal of Chubbocks' school and ask them to have a workshop for parents and teachers on media literacy and the impact of media on children. The school is pretty open about this kind of stuff so hopefully they will go along. Meanwhile, I'm all set to watch a movie this weekend ( again A) and what's the bet the hall will be chockablock with li'l'uns?
Okay, rant over, am going to leave you with a picture of James Dean running away with his sister!
Don't worry, the fierce expression is just mugging for the camera - he's a real pussycat!
Monday, April 21, 2008
tagged - More abt me than you ever wanted to know...!
Swati tagged me to 'tell all' so here goes...
Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Horton Hears a Who ( highly recommended for kids over 5)
What Book Are You Reading:
Being Indian by Pavan Varma, Famous Five series by Enid Blyton, The Palace of illusions by Chitra Banerji Divakaruni
Favorite Board Game:
Strategy and Cluedo; also scrabble
Favorite Magazine:
O, O at Home, Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, Vogue, Elle Decor
Favorite Smells:
Flowers, babies' hair, any fruity perfumes, musk
Favorite Sound:
The kids laughing, Geeta Dutt and Manna Dey, the sound of silence when the kids are asleep :)
Worst Feeling In The World:
Seeing Chubbocks crest-fallen face when I've scolded him
What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake?
Wish I could sleep some more
Favorite Fast Food Place:
Chat anywhere any time
Future Child's Name:
Still thinking, but Armaan for a boy ( left over from Puddi's time)
Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...”
Quit and travel around the world
Do You Drive Fast?
YNo, I drive Nuts ( my husband, that is)
Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
Yup - a when he's overeaten :)
Storms-Cool Or Scary?
Cool
What Was Your First Car?
Opel Kadett - 10 year old secondhand, dark blue, big, able to travel without a hitch at 200 km per hour - still miss the darn thing
Favorite Drink:
Jal Jeera/ roohafza ( ok, now have permanently deleted myself off the 'cool people' list)
Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Time I Would .....”
..Sleep
..go on a long vacay with A and the kids
..Finish writing my #$@ book
Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
Yup
If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?
Purple - but A may scream at the sight of me, and I'd get fired for sure!
Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Bangalore, mysore, Delhi, bangkok, Singapore, Calcutta, Mumbai, Fontainebleau, gurgaon
Favorite Sports To Watch:
If i have to it'd be cricket
One Nice Thing About The Person(s) Who Sent This To You:
Swati had a nice sense of humour and a light touch while blogging!
What's Under Your Bed?
A defunct music system awaiting repairs
Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
Yup, if A is reborn as himself too!
Morning Person Or Night Owl?
Early to bed and Late to rise is my new motto!
Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?
Scrambled
Favorite Place To Relax:
The terrace garden
Favorite Pie:
Quiche
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Anything different/ new
You pass this tag to - anyone who wants to take it up.
Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Horton Hears a Who ( highly recommended for kids over 5)
What Book Are You Reading:
Being Indian by Pavan Varma, Famous Five series by Enid Blyton, The Palace of illusions by Chitra Banerji Divakaruni
Favorite Board Game:
Strategy and Cluedo; also scrabble
Favorite Magazine:
O, O at Home, Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, Vogue, Elle Decor
Favorite Smells:
Flowers, babies' hair, any fruity perfumes, musk
Favorite Sound:
The kids laughing, Geeta Dutt and Manna Dey, the sound of silence when the kids are asleep :)
Worst Feeling In The World:
Seeing Chubbocks crest-fallen face when I've scolded him
What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake?
Wish I could sleep some more
Favorite Fast Food Place:
Chat anywhere any time
Future Child's Name:
Still thinking, but Armaan for a boy ( left over from Puddi's time)
Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...”
Quit and travel around the world
Do You Drive Fast?
YNo, I drive Nuts ( my husband, that is)
Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
Yup - a when he's overeaten :)
Storms-Cool Or Scary?
Cool
What Was Your First Car?
Opel Kadett - 10 year old secondhand, dark blue, big, able to travel without a hitch at 200 km per hour - still miss the darn thing
Favorite Drink:
Jal Jeera/ roohafza ( ok, now have permanently deleted myself off the 'cool people' list)
Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Time I Would .....”
..Sleep
..go on a long vacay with A and the kids
..Finish writing my #$@ book
Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
Yup
If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?
Purple - but A may scream at the sight of me, and I'd get fired for sure!
Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Bangalore, mysore, Delhi, bangkok, Singapore, Calcutta, Mumbai, Fontainebleau, gurgaon
Favorite Sports To Watch:
If i have to it'd be cricket
One Nice Thing About The Person(s) Who Sent This To You:
Swati had a nice sense of humour and a light touch while blogging!
What's Under Your Bed?
A defunct music system awaiting repairs
Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
Yup, if A is reborn as himself too!
Morning Person Or Night Owl?
Early to bed and Late to rise is my new motto!
Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?
Scrambled
Favorite Place To Relax:
The terrace garden
Favorite Pie:
Quiche
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Anything different/ new
You pass this tag to - anyone who wants to take it up.
Some Thoughts on Religion
I'm a firm believer in God, though not so much in rituals. Long ago, I came across 2 lovely things in one of my favourite books, The Far Pavilions. One was a prayer, and one was an anecdote, which both express what I feel about religion and God.
The prayer goes ( roughly):
Forgive o lord, these three sins that are due to my human limitations:
Thou hast no name but I call thee by these names
Thou has no form but I worship thee in these forms
Thou needest no praise nor entreaties but I offer thee these salutations
The anecdote: Once a pathan asked Ash, the protagonist, about the the Holy Trinity in Christianity and how all three of the entities were meant to be one. The answer given by Ash seems to me an answer that could be about different religions as much as about the Trinity.
Ash sprinkled three drops of water on different corners of a plate and said - see, they are all different. He then tipped the plate so the drops ran together and said -all three are still there but now they have become one.
The same way that all religions are different but lead to the same God...
The prayer goes ( roughly):
Forgive o lord, these three sins that are due to my human limitations:
Thou hast no name but I call thee by these names
Thou has no form but I worship thee in these forms
Thou needest no praise nor entreaties but I offer thee these salutations
The anecdote: Once a pathan asked Ash, the protagonist, about the the Holy Trinity in Christianity and how all three of the entities were meant to be one. The answer given by Ash seems to me an answer that could be about different religions as much as about the Trinity.
Ash sprinkled three drops of water on different corners of a plate and said - see, they are all different. He then tipped the plate so the drops ran together and said -all three are still there but now they have become one.
The same way that all religions are different but lead to the same God...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Babies Galore
Ok, time to break the news - we're having an addition to the family sometime in October, and looking forward to a Bojjandi (that's a new baby, to you folks not well-versed in baby-ese) joining Chubbocks and Puddi in their revelry!
Whenever I visualised a family of my own, as I was growing up, I always saw one with three kids. Of course, I had no idea of all the hard work that went into being a mother, so when I invented stories for my cousins or sister, they all involved families with several children, one memorable series called 'jimmy-annie-lucy' having 16 cousins in all!
A was pretty clear that we were only going to have two kids, and as it turned out, by the time we got married, we were much older than the average in India so I more or less agreed with him ( chiefly less, as we shall find out!).
Our first child was an accident, of course, as are most first children. In fact, that was a time when a and I were so stressed out at new jobs and so tired that we joke that Chubbocks was an immaculate conception. We were the dumbest as well as the most stressed out bunnies in the forest, so I remember having all kinds of symptoms ( except for the morning sickness) that should have told us what was going on - an aversion to strong-smelling food, a tiredness so extreme in normally bouncing-off-the-walls me that I would come home from work, head straight for my parents home and collapse while dad cooked the evening meal for us - those were our pre-cook and maid days. Finally, we tumbled to it and home-tested and went in to see a doc recommended by a friend of mine who took one look at my face and said, "Your face is telling me you're expecting", though she proceeded to make a human pin-cushion of me nonetheless, to confirm the fact.
A was overjoyed - he'd been waiting to become a father for years. I on the other hand was more apprehensive and unsure if this was the right time, what with a new job and all. Eventually, of course, we figured there was no 'right time' and went on to have Chubbocks.
The second time around, the grand plan was to have a sibling asap, i.e. be expecting the second one by the time Chubbocks celebrated his first birthday. What we hadn't reckoned on was the extreme tiredness brought on by sleepless nights, so Puds took a while and some trying before she finally condescended to join the merry throng. I remember realising I was expecting much before any confirmation of the fact, because my skin and hair started glowing from day one. One day I happened to be at a marketplace and I was suddenly hit by such strong hunger pangs that I had to make a beeline for the nearest McDonalds and scarf down two McAloo Tikki burgers and a shake before my legs would agree to stand up straight. That's when the certainty overwhelmed me, and I hardly needed the line on the home test to confirm the news. a was away in Bombay and I remember calling him as he was boarding the flight back to gleefully announce the news.
This time around, we had gotten a little more sense than the first and second times so we had an inkling pretty soon that I was thataways again! It isn't planned and was a shock since it was despite precautions - but as anyone who's seen the serial Friends knows - they're only 99% effective - it says so on the box. We put off actually home testing, mostly because we were in denial. Life was finally pretty smooth, A had a new job, my job was going well, the two kids were settled down and we were starting to have a social life again as well as hoping to add back a huge chunk of income into the kitty as soon as we toilet-trained Puddi and stopped buying diapers.
Finally it got to a point where we had to have the home test. When the line turned pink, I had severaly mixed feelings as did A. We weren't sure we were ready to take this on now. And yet, after having experienced the joys of parenthood and seen what we create together, it was hard to go the other way. The arguments raged back and forth. On the first night, A spoke about hard practicality - the loans we had to repay, the financial and the time cost, the fact that we already felt we had too little time for the things that mattered and that this would add one more to that list. Manageability of life in general. I spoke on the soft side - how much joy our kids had brought us already, how much more one more could add, how I felt that the news was like God giving us a precious gift and us turning it away...I could almost picture Chubbocks or Puddi knocking at our door and us firmly slamming it shut and saying, "there's no more room".
The next day, at the doctor's, she started to give us a long list of do's when I said, voice quavering, "We're not sure what we're going to do about this yet." She told us about the options, and the words sounded harsh and discordant - dilation, curettage. I could imagine a sharp steel scalpel scraping away at a baby's tender body as she said it. That evening the ultrasound confirmed what we already knew and again as I told the technician that we weren't decided as yet, I felt the lines of my face wobbling over into that fighting-tears expression.
The next few days were incredibly busy for me - I had a morning to night event of my firm's every day. We had to decide by the end of the week.
The second night after we knew, the arguments shifted tracks - I argued on the practical side and A argued on the soft side. I called my sister to get her opinion. She lives in the US and has one child and I know from her how hard it is to cope with childcare there. She said that frankly she wouldn't be able to go through with it for the same host of practical reasons. I spoke to my soul-sister who'd gone through the same decision point and had decided not to go through with it. She said she had asked her elder daughter who had pointblank said that she didn't want any more siblings and that had been the final clincher, apart from the fact that she felt she wouldn't be able to love a third baby with the same intensity. We checked with Chubbocks who most amiably said he would like another sibling - a sister that he could take care of as well as Puddi or a brother so that both of them could look after Puddi. Stymied again!
The next day, by serendipity or cosmic alignment, I got a call from a friend of mine - the only one with three kids. She was in town and wanted to meet up, so during a break at the event, I dashed over to her place. her take on it was completely different - She said, the money will come from somewhere, we are fortunate to be so placed in life, but that both she and her husband felt they would have really regretted it if they hadn't gone in for a third child, and that they were debating having a fourth. Her eldest is 10, so she said, in 10 years time, both the elder two may be gone out of the house, but the youngest will still be at home. And she said a third baby wasn't one-third more work as we would expect, because everything was already set up for two kids so it was a marginal add-on in terms of organising and managing life.
That night when I went home, both A and I sat down and discussed the issue threadbare. We realised that all the hard stuff - money, time, jobs - were uncertainties in life. But what was certain was the amount of love we would feel for the third one and the amount of joy we would get out of him or her. We wondered when we had gotten so big in life that we could ignore God's whisper. And A produced our clincher - about 7 years ago, in a course at business school, I'd had to write an interview with myself 25 years into the future. And even in that, I had imagined myself with three children. We decided to go right ahead with the third baby. And as soon as we felt we had taken that decision, such a sense of peace, relief and joy came over us that we knew we had taken absolutely the right decision.
My sister produced the final winning argument the next day, if we had needed one - she'd shifted to the pro-baby side, and my BIL had always been on that side anyway. "There's nothing practical about having a baby. If you had to decide on that basis, you wouldn't want to have even the first one. And you know you can count on all the soft stuff, while you can't say the same for the practicalities."
So here we are, all set for baby number three. We've chosen to go with the soft certainties instead of the hard uncertainties, because in life, I believe, you have to believe in the soft stuff - love, belonging, kids, ideals - or what else is there?
As for Chubbocks, we checked back in with him: So do you want a boy or girl?
C: Whatever God gives us we will be happy with it!
Whenever I visualised a family of my own, as I was growing up, I always saw one with three kids. Of course, I had no idea of all the hard work that went into being a mother, so when I invented stories for my cousins or sister, they all involved families with several children, one memorable series called 'jimmy-annie-lucy' having 16 cousins in all!
A was pretty clear that we were only going to have two kids, and as it turned out, by the time we got married, we were much older than the average in India so I more or less agreed with him ( chiefly less, as we shall find out!).
Our first child was an accident, of course, as are most first children. In fact, that was a time when a and I were so stressed out at new jobs and so tired that we joke that Chubbocks was an immaculate conception. We were the dumbest as well as the most stressed out bunnies in the forest, so I remember having all kinds of symptoms ( except for the morning sickness) that should have told us what was going on - an aversion to strong-smelling food, a tiredness so extreme in normally bouncing-off-the-walls me that I would come home from work, head straight for my parents home and collapse while dad cooked the evening meal for us - those were our pre-cook and maid days. Finally, we tumbled to it and home-tested and went in to see a doc recommended by a friend of mine who took one look at my face and said, "Your face is telling me you're expecting", though she proceeded to make a human pin-cushion of me nonetheless, to confirm the fact.
A was overjoyed - he'd been waiting to become a father for years. I on the other hand was more apprehensive and unsure if this was the right time, what with a new job and all. Eventually, of course, we figured there was no 'right time' and went on to have Chubbocks.
The second time around, the grand plan was to have a sibling asap, i.e. be expecting the second one by the time Chubbocks celebrated his first birthday. What we hadn't reckoned on was the extreme tiredness brought on by sleepless nights, so Puds took a while and some trying before she finally condescended to join the merry throng. I remember realising I was expecting much before any confirmation of the fact, because my skin and hair started glowing from day one. One day I happened to be at a marketplace and I was suddenly hit by such strong hunger pangs that I had to make a beeline for the nearest McDonalds and scarf down two McAloo Tikki burgers and a shake before my legs would agree to stand up straight. That's when the certainty overwhelmed me, and I hardly needed the line on the home test to confirm the news. a was away in Bombay and I remember calling him as he was boarding the flight back to gleefully announce the news.
This time around, we had gotten a little more sense than the first and second times so we had an inkling pretty soon that I was thataways again! It isn't planned and was a shock since it was despite precautions - but as anyone who's seen the serial Friends knows - they're only 99% effective - it says so on the box. We put off actually home testing, mostly because we were in denial. Life was finally pretty smooth, A had a new job, my job was going well, the two kids were settled down and we were starting to have a social life again as well as hoping to add back a huge chunk of income into the kitty as soon as we toilet-trained Puddi and stopped buying diapers.
Finally it got to a point where we had to have the home test. When the line turned pink, I had severaly mixed feelings as did A. We weren't sure we were ready to take this on now. And yet, after having experienced the joys of parenthood and seen what we create together, it was hard to go the other way. The arguments raged back and forth. On the first night, A spoke about hard practicality - the loans we had to repay, the financial and the time cost, the fact that we already felt we had too little time for the things that mattered and that this would add one more to that list. Manageability of life in general. I spoke on the soft side - how much joy our kids had brought us already, how much more one more could add, how I felt that the news was like God giving us a precious gift and us turning it away...I could almost picture Chubbocks or Puddi knocking at our door and us firmly slamming it shut and saying, "there's no more room".
The next day, at the doctor's, she started to give us a long list of do's when I said, voice quavering, "We're not sure what we're going to do about this yet." She told us about the options, and the words sounded harsh and discordant - dilation, curettage. I could imagine a sharp steel scalpel scraping away at a baby's tender body as she said it. That evening the ultrasound confirmed what we already knew and again as I told the technician that we weren't decided as yet, I felt the lines of my face wobbling over into that fighting-tears expression.
The next few days were incredibly busy for me - I had a morning to night event of my firm's every day. We had to decide by the end of the week.
The second night after we knew, the arguments shifted tracks - I argued on the practical side and A argued on the soft side. I called my sister to get her opinion. She lives in the US and has one child and I know from her how hard it is to cope with childcare there. She said that frankly she wouldn't be able to go through with it for the same host of practical reasons. I spoke to my soul-sister who'd gone through the same decision point and had decided not to go through with it. She said she had asked her elder daughter who had pointblank said that she didn't want any more siblings and that had been the final clincher, apart from the fact that she felt she wouldn't be able to love a third baby with the same intensity. We checked with Chubbocks who most amiably said he would like another sibling - a sister that he could take care of as well as Puddi or a brother so that both of them could look after Puddi. Stymied again!
The next day, by serendipity or cosmic alignment, I got a call from a friend of mine - the only one with three kids. She was in town and wanted to meet up, so during a break at the event, I dashed over to her place. her take on it was completely different - She said, the money will come from somewhere, we are fortunate to be so placed in life, but that both she and her husband felt they would have really regretted it if they hadn't gone in for a third child, and that they were debating having a fourth. Her eldest is 10, so she said, in 10 years time, both the elder two may be gone out of the house, but the youngest will still be at home. And she said a third baby wasn't one-third more work as we would expect, because everything was already set up for two kids so it was a marginal add-on in terms of organising and managing life.
That night when I went home, both A and I sat down and discussed the issue threadbare. We realised that all the hard stuff - money, time, jobs - were uncertainties in life. But what was certain was the amount of love we would feel for the third one and the amount of joy we would get out of him or her. We wondered when we had gotten so big in life that we could ignore God's whisper. And A produced our clincher - about 7 years ago, in a course at business school, I'd had to write an interview with myself 25 years into the future. And even in that, I had imagined myself with three children. We decided to go right ahead with the third baby. And as soon as we felt we had taken that decision, such a sense of peace, relief and joy came over us that we knew we had taken absolutely the right decision.
My sister produced the final winning argument the next day, if we had needed one - she'd shifted to the pro-baby side, and my BIL had always been on that side anyway. "There's nothing practical about having a baby. If you had to decide on that basis, you wouldn't want to have even the first one. And you know you can count on all the soft stuff, while you can't say the same for the practicalities."
So here we are, all set for baby number three. We've chosen to go with the soft certainties instead of the hard uncertainties, because in life, I believe, you have to believe in the soft stuff - love, belonging, kids, ideals - or what else is there?
As for Chubbocks, we checked back in with him: So do you want a boy or girl?
C: Whatever God gives us we will be happy with it!
Relationships
Yesterday we had an old friend over for lunch, visiting from Mumbai, and sadly he confirmed something that we had had an inkling of for sometime but not known - he had split up with his wife of 9 years and was on his own.
It felt very disorienting to me to hear this and I'm still trying to make sense of it. We knew both of them from the time they began dating - we knew her through him, and A, I and he worked in the same organisation. We've karaoked together and gotten pissed together. Yesterday morning when I was reorganising the photo-album cupboard, I found a bunch of pictures of the four of us from a trip to Corbett and another one to Kasauli. The whole time he was at our place, I had a film reel running through the back of my mind of all the time we had spent together.
The four of us had gone off on a long weekend to Kasauli with absolutely no planning, since we were all four in advertising, and it is absolutely fatal in that profession to actually plan a short break - it always falls through. The place was packed and we eventually found a small little hotel, where they allowed us three buckets of water for everything from flushing to bathing! We went for lovely long walks through the city and out to where we could only see the hills and the greenery, and all the way there and back we sang lovely old Hindi film melodies...
We went to Corbett together and stayed at Dhikala, the government motel, many years ago...I still remember all four of us sharing nauseated feelings when the place decided to show a video of a python ingesting a deer right after we finished dinner...and how we laughed our heads off at the sign posted by the lake - Swimming is strictly forbidden ( due to crocodiles). Survivors will be prosecuted! We'd spotted hyenas lurking in the darkness after dinner, when all the lights were turned off with a stunning togetherness, and both she and I had had nightmares about tigers forcing their way into our rooms...
I remembered a New Year's party at their place shortly after they had gotten married, where the cook they had hired kicked the bucket - literally. He got drunk, kicked a huge bucket of cold water over everybody and fell down in a stupor, leaving the cold, shivering, damp partiers to grill their own kebabs...
A had stayed over with them any number of times when he was in Bombay on work...They had come over a couple of years ago, when I was expecting Puddi and had a lovely long lunch with us in our terrace garden and we'd all had a wonderful time...and by the end of that year they had decided to call it a day and go their separate ways...
It's thankfully, for us, almost the first instance of a couple splitting up where we were friends with both parties, though we've seen quite a few almost get there and then make it back together. It feels very close to home and I wonder how, after so many years of togetherness, after setting up homes together and dreaming joint dreams of the future, it all comes apart...
A was saying later that marriages really need work in this day and age and I wondered to myself that I had never found either of us putting in any 'work' on our marriage...But then he reminded me that both of us were very clear on some issues, like the fact that we and the family came first, ahead of work, friends or anything else...that we made it a point to ensure that we spent time together, even doing something as banal as watching a movie together, but we spent it actively with each other, sharing the experience...that we used each other as the key sounding board for any decision we had to make...that we had long ago decided that we would never live apart for any length of time because of a work opportunity...
I guess it all comes down to a shared sense of values and priorities - the couple has to have the same vision of a joint future...
It felt very disorienting to me to hear this and I'm still trying to make sense of it. We knew both of them from the time they began dating - we knew her through him, and A, I and he worked in the same organisation. We've karaoked together and gotten pissed together. Yesterday morning when I was reorganising the photo-album cupboard, I found a bunch of pictures of the four of us from a trip to Corbett and another one to Kasauli. The whole time he was at our place, I had a film reel running through the back of my mind of all the time we had spent together.
The four of us had gone off on a long weekend to Kasauli with absolutely no planning, since we were all four in advertising, and it is absolutely fatal in that profession to actually plan a short break - it always falls through. The place was packed and we eventually found a small little hotel, where they allowed us three buckets of water for everything from flushing to bathing! We went for lovely long walks through the city and out to where we could only see the hills and the greenery, and all the way there and back we sang lovely old Hindi film melodies...
We went to Corbett together and stayed at Dhikala, the government motel, many years ago...I still remember all four of us sharing nauseated feelings when the place decided to show a video of a python ingesting a deer right after we finished dinner...and how we laughed our heads off at the sign posted by the lake - Swimming is strictly forbidden ( due to crocodiles). Survivors will be prosecuted! We'd spotted hyenas lurking in the darkness after dinner, when all the lights were turned off with a stunning togetherness, and both she and I had had nightmares about tigers forcing their way into our rooms...
I remembered a New Year's party at their place shortly after they had gotten married, where the cook they had hired kicked the bucket - literally. He got drunk, kicked a huge bucket of cold water over everybody and fell down in a stupor, leaving the cold, shivering, damp partiers to grill their own kebabs...
A had stayed over with them any number of times when he was in Bombay on work...They had come over a couple of years ago, when I was expecting Puddi and had a lovely long lunch with us in our terrace garden and we'd all had a wonderful time...and by the end of that year they had decided to call it a day and go their separate ways...
It's thankfully, for us, almost the first instance of a couple splitting up where we were friends with both parties, though we've seen quite a few almost get there and then make it back together. It feels very close to home and I wonder how, after so many years of togetherness, after setting up homes together and dreaming joint dreams of the future, it all comes apart...
A was saying later that marriages really need work in this day and age and I wondered to myself that I had never found either of us putting in any 'work' on our marriage...But then he reminded me that both of us were very clear on some issues, like the fact that we and the family came first, ahead of work, friends or anything else...that we made it a point to ensure that we spent time together, even doing something as banal as watching a movie together, but we spent it actively with each other, sharing the experience...that we used each other as the key sounding board for any decision we had to make...that we had long ago decided that we would never live apart for any length of time because of a work opportunity...
I guess it all comes down to a shared sense of values and priorities - the couple has to have the same vision of a joint future...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Co-sleeping with kids - who needs it more?
Last couple of nights, both the kids have been in bed with us. It started off night before last, when it was pretty hot and the night air buzzing with vicious mosquitoes immune to any and every kind of remedy. The kids were very restless and after Puddi had woken up four times, wailing, Chubbocks woke up too and realised we had forgotten about the deal we made with him that he could sleep with us on Sunday night. He started kicking up a big fuss so A just brought both the kids in and we made what we could of the rest of the night, and went to work with giant headaches.
Last night, Chubbocks insisted on a make-up night in our room for Sunday's omission, and then Puds woke up restless again (she's learning about fear so having all kinds of nightmares) so they were back in. Our bed, while large, does get a bit cramped with four people in, especially when the two midgets insist on sleeping diagonally. At some point in the night, I woke up, back cramped from squeezing myself into the farthest corner of the bed that I could manage without falling out. I could hear the even rhythms of the 3 people I love best in the world rising and falling in unison. Puds was sprawled, one leg on Chubbocks, one arm on A's chest, head mashed up against the wall. Chubbocks lay spreadeagled, managing to land one leg on me, one on A and one hand on Puds. It was an incredibly connected feeling, and I loved having all four of us squashed into one bed...
And yet I was the one who moved the kids out. I'd been ready to do this for a long time before it happened, but A always insisted Chubbocks was too small. Finally, a few months before Puddi was due, I put my foot down and insisted we had to do it. I have friends who still co-sleep with their 2 kids, including over ten-year-olds and I really didn't want to do that. Luckily, Chubbocks had always slept in a separate bed from day one, so it was just a question of moving him to another room.
We had to slowly get him used to the concept - at that time he used to take to change very badly. Then I had to sweeten the deal, so I asked him what he would like in the new room and he said he wanted a jungle. So I set about painting a jungle. We'd got the walls done a pale green with a pale blue ceiling, but I had to paint the animals, and make sure they all looked friendly, even the tiger. I still remember going through the actual painting process, when I was about 7 months pregnant. I was huge, and used to get tired very quickly, so after every few bruch strokes, I'd have to sit and put my arm down. Once the paintings were done and the AC installed and the baby monitor bought, we were all set. By this time I was in my 9th month, and we had barely a week to go before Puds, so I figured we had to hurry up the process. I'd broken my ankle the night before, so my foot was in a fancy bandage too.
We hardened our hearts and presented it like a big adventure to chubbocks, who got quite excited and agreed easily to moving in. After reading him a couple of stories, we waited for him to fall asleep and then left. But I just couldn't get to sleep. I was convinced we wouldn't be able to hear him calling out because of the noise of 2 ACs. I tossed and turned. Then at one point, I thought I heard him cry out. I don't even remember jumping out of bed and rushing to his side, but before his first cry of 'mamma' had left his throat, I was already there, bandaged ankle and all. Patted him back and slowly limped back, at which point A fired me for getting out of bed and running when I was supposed to be resting my ankle. But whaddaya do, you're a mom? In fact, the whole first week, I could not sleep at all because I used to lie awake listening for him.
The first few nights, Chubs would manage to worm his way back for some part of the night, but over time he got used to it. With Puddi I was much more hardhearted and insisted she be shifted to the kids room as soon as we moved back from my parents place. By the time she was 3 months old, she had learned to go to sleep on her own if left alone in her crib. And now the kids like being next to each other at night - Chubbocks will pat her sometimes, or she reaches out of her crib to pull his hair, or gets up in the middle of the night and starts talking to him loudly.
But still, at least once a month, we all end up sharing one bed, mashed together like sardines, and I love every minute of it. Often, it's actually because A and I want to drag them in there when they would have ben perfectly happy to sleep in their own room, just so we can cuddle and tickle them and wake up all mussed up together.
Last night, Chubbocks insisted on a make-up night in our room for Sunday's omission, and then Puds woke up restless again (she's learning about fear so having all kinds of nightmares) so they were back in. Our bed, while large, does get a bit cramped with four people in, especially when the two midgets insist on sleeping diagonally. At some point in the night, I woke up, back cramped from squeezing myself into the farthest corner of the bed that I could manage without falling out. I could hear the even rhythms of the 3 people I love best in the world rising and falling in unison. Puds was sprawled, one leg on Chubbocks, one arm on A's chest, head mashed up against the wall. Chubbocks lay spreadeagled, managing to land one leg on me, one on A and one hand on Puds. It was an incredibly connected feeling, and I loved having all four of us squashed into one bed...
And yet I was the one who moved the kids out. I'd been ready to do this for a long time before it happened, but A always insisted Chubbocks was too small. Finally, a few months before Puddi was due, I put my foot down and insisted we had to do it. I have friends who still co-sleep with their 2 kids, including over ten-year-olds and I really didn't want to do that. Luckily, Chubbocks had always slept in a separate bed from day one, so it was just a question of moving him to another room.
We had to slowly get him used to the concept - at that time he used to take to change very badly. Then I had to sweeten the deal, so I asked him what he would like in the new room and he said he wanted a jungle. So I set about painting a jungle. We'd got the walls done a pale green with a pale blue ceiling, but I had to paint the animals, and make sure they all looked friendly, even the tiger. I still remember going through the actual painting process, when I was about 7 months pregnant. I was huge, and used to get tired very quickly, so after every few bruch strokes, I'd have to sit and put my arm down. Once the paintings were done and the AC installed and the baby monitor bought, we were all set. By this time I was in my 9th month, and we had barely a week to go before Puds, so I figured we had to hurry up the process. I'd broken my ankle the night before, so my foot was in a fancy bandage too.
We hardened our hearts and presented it like a big adventure to chubbocks, who got quite excited and agreed easily to moving in. After reading him a couple of stories, we waited for him to fall asleep and then left. But I just couldn't get to sleep. I was convinced we wouldn't be able to hear him calling out because of the noise of 2 ACs. I tossed and turned. Then at one point, I thought I heard him cry out. I don't even remember jumping out of bed and rushing to his side, but before his first cry of 'mamma' had left his throat, I was already there, bandaged ankle and all. Patted him back and slowly limped back, at which point A fired me for getting out of bed and running when I was supposed to be resting my ankle. But whaddaya do, you're a mom? In fact, the whole first week, I could not sleep at all because I used to lie awake listening for him.
The first few nights, Chubs would manage to worm his way back for some part of the night, but over time he got used to it. With Puddi I was much more hardhearted and insisted she be shifted to the kids room as soon as we moved back from my parents place. By the time she was 3 months old, she had learned to go to sleep on her own if left alone in her crib. And now the kids like being next to each other at night - Chubbocks will pat her sometimes, or she reaches out of her crib to pull his hair, or gets up in the middle of the night and starts talking to him loudly.
But still, at least once a month, we all end up sharing one bed, mashed together like sardines, and I love every minute of it. Often, it's actually because A and I want to drag them in there when they would have ben perfectly happy to sleep in their own room, just so we can cuddle and tickle them and wake up all mussed up together.
Kids and manners
Over the weekend we had a gang of old friends visit us, families in tow, for dinner. Most of them have one kids if not two so the house was a wild melee of assorted agegroups chattering together.
One of the couples - he and I went to business school together and his wife and I have been friendly since day one - has two daughters, age 10 and 7. The older one, when she was born and till quite a few years later, looked just like a doll. She was quiet and shy and used to cling to her mom. Well, now she's all growed up at 10 years old, and I regret to say A and I disliked her.
She's become a chubby little kid, and has the most belligerent expression on her face at all times, as if she's just waiting to pick a fight with someone. The scowl rarely leaves her face, and she's not all that good at greeting people when she walks into their home. And her expression is both unpleasant and not very intelligent.
Since kids were coming over, and it's a houserule in any case, we had some healthy snacks around, like masala paneer, and lots of fruit juice. "Where are the chips? Where is the coke?" this girl asked my maid, and quite rudely at that, and made a face when told we didn't have either. Then she somehow spotted an unopened box of butter cookies which was lying in a closed cupboard ( I wasn't in the kitchen at the time so dunno how she did it) and promptly demanded and devoured four of them by herself and asked for more! This isn't the first time I've seen her demonstrate a penchant for being 'grabby' about food either - even during other visits, she has pounced on food and drink and demanded things that weren't being served.
Then later, A was putting on a movie for all the kids since we figured that would be one thing that would unite the motley crew. We had a carefully edited selection of movies - Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, Swiss Family Robinson or the Ice age/ Finding Nemo variety. To every single suggestion that was put forth by anybody, this girl replied with a rude negative. Poor Chubbocks kept trying to voice his choices but there were too many kids older than him and we'd explained that he had to let the guests choose, so he stayed quiet in the background.
Finally, one of the other mothers made the rule that two movies would be watched, each for 45 minutes, as the only way to settle the argument. Even during the time that the kids were watching the movie, when A poked his head in to find out how they were doing or if the CD had finished, he was met by rude replies from this girl. She didn;t mix with any of the other kids, didn;t bother saying a 'hi' or 'Hello' - and this when she knew many of them already - and didn;t end up interacting with anyone except her own sister. Later, when everyone was having food, this girl comes rushing up to me demanding a piece of dessert - not asking politely, but demanding. No Thank you's, no pleases, no pleasantness - it really left a bad taste in our mouths.
I really had to wonder where all this aggression and belligerency was coming from. Her parents are both quite strict whenever I've seen them, and are soft-spoken people themselves. They are both well-educated, well-mannered people. I could just imagine this girl bullying the maids at home when the parents weren't around. Her sister on the other hand is well-mannered and soft spoken, so I have to hope it's just a phase, but it leaves me wondering what her parents are doing about it - are they perhaps not aware of it, or they do deal with it on their own turf but don't want to start a battle with their kid in someone else's house?
The other thing I wondered was whether perhaps the parents were really strict with her diet at home and so she was greedy when they went out, and whether the anger was some kind of pre-teen thing she was going through ( my niece - husband's cousin's daughter has that going on, and she is a 'Goth' at school in the US - dresses in all black weird clothes and scares the bejabbers out of us).
Later that weekend we were chatting with a friend who said once their daughter's school had called them up to say their daughter was very greedy - that other kids would be on their second slice of pizza and this kid would have wolfed down four. The parents then figured out that because they were very strict about junk food at home, whenever their daughter saw an opportunity when the parents weren't around, it became a huge attraction for her.
Many questions are racing through my mind including our own rather strict lines of appropriate behaviour and particularly stingy doling out of junk food...
So...right now giving the girl the benefit of the doubt but still not appreciatting her sulky and rude manner.
*************************************************************************************
We had been gorging on the leftover party food for two days, since I and A are the kinds who panic and overestimate instead of getting it right, and yesterday I got the best compliment of my life from Chubbocks.
"Mama, you cook just like a chef!"
Me ( nonplussed): "What's a chef?"
C: "A Master of Cooking."
Me: Big beam from ear to ear!!!
One of the couples - he and I went to business school together and his wife and I have been friendly since day one - has two daughters, age 10 and 7. The older one, when she was born and till quite a few years later, looked just like a doll. She was quiet and shy and used to cling to her mom. Well, now she's all growed up at 10 years old, and I regret to say A and I disliked her.
She's become a chubby little kid, and has the most belligerent expression on her face at all times, as if she's just waiting to pick a fight with someone. The scowl rarely leaves her face, and she's not all that good at greeting people when she walks into their home. And her expression is both unpleasant and not very intelligent.
Since kids were coming over, and it's a houserule in any case, we had some healthy snacks around, like masala paneer, and lots of fruit juice. "Where are the chips? Where is the coke?" this girl asked my maid, and quite rudely at that, and made a face when told we didn't have either. Then she somehow spotted an unopened box of butter cookies which was lying in a closed cupboard ( I wasn't in the kitchen at the time so dunno how she did it) and promptly demanded and devoured four of them by herself and asked for more! This isn't the first time I've seen her demonstrate a penchant for being 'grabby' about food either - even during other visits, she has pounced on food and drink and demanded things that weren't being served.
Then later, A was putting on a movie for all the kids since we figured that would be one thing that would unite the motley crew. We had a carefully edited selection of movies - Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, Swiss Family Robinson or the Ice age/ Finding Nemo variety. To every single suggestion that was put forth by anybody, this girl replied with a rude negative. Poor Chubbocks kept trying to voice his choices but there were too many kids older than him and we'd explained that he had to let the guests choose, so he stayed quiet in the background.
Finally, one of the other mothers made the rule that two movies would be watched, each for 45 minutes, as the only way to settle the argument. Even during the time that the kids were watching the movie, when A poked his head in to find out how they were doing or if the CD had finished, he was met by rude replies from this girl. She didn;t mix with any of the other kids, didn;t bother saying a 'hi' or 'Hello' - and this when she knew many of them already - and didn;t end up interacting with anyone except her own sister. Later, when everyone was having food, this girl comes rushing up to me demanding a piece of dessert - not asking politely, but demanding. No Thank you's, no pleases, no pleasantness - it really left a bad taste in our mouths.
I really had to wonder where all this aggression and belligerency was coming from. Her parents are both quite strict whenever I've seen them, and are soft-spoken people themselves. They are both well-educated, well-mannered people. I could just imagine this girl bullying the maids at home when the parents weren't around. Her sister on the other hand is well-mannered and soft spoken, so I have to hope it's just a phase, but it leaves me wondering what her parents are doing about it - are they perhaps not aware of it, or they do deal with it on their own turf but don't want to start a battle with their kid in someone else's house?
The other thing I wondered was whether perhaps the parents were really strict with her diet at home and so she was greedy when they went out, and whether the anger was some kind of pre-teen thing she was going through ( my niece - husband's cousin's daughter has that going on, and she is a 'Goth' at school in the US - dresses in all black weird clothes and scares the bejabbers out of us).
Later that weekend we were chatting with a friend who said once their daughter's school had called them up to say their daughter was very greedy - that other kids would be on their second slice of pizza and this kid would have wolfed down four. The parents then figured out that because they were very strict about junk food at home, whenever their daughter saw an opportunity when the parents weren't around, it became a huge attraction for her.
Many questions are racing through my mind including our own rather strict lines of appropriate behaviour and particularly stingy doling out of junk food...
So...right now giving the girl the benefit of the doubt but still not appreciatting her sulky and rude manner.
*************************************************************************************
We had been gorging on the leftover party food for two days, since I and A are the kinds who panic and overestimate instead of getting it right, and yesterday I got the best compliment of my life from Chubbocks.
"Mama, you cook just like a chef!"
Me ( nonplussed): "What's a chef?"
C: "A Master of Cooking."
Me: Big beam from ear to ear!!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Weekends and dreams for my children
We just had the loveliest three-day weekend. Most times, even at weekends, we're busy running around with the kids to parks and grocery shopping and anything else we think they may enjoy. This time around, we managed to spend lots of time with old friends and then just hang out together at home with the kids and my folks, stuff our faces with some good food, read and watch a couple of movies after the kids fell asleep. Perhaps it's the onset of summer which created this wonderful effect of time stretching so that last night, though it had only been a 3 day weekend, we felt as relaxed as if we'd been gone on a long break.
Kind of makes me realise how painful the corporate grind is. When you start off with the MBA and stuff, it all looks wonderful - you're earning more by Year 3 than your dad who is at the senior-most rank in government, you have a bunch of friends and you all hang out and party every weekend. But then you go and complicate life by having kids and suddenly realise that few things compensate for spending time away from them. One of them is if you really enjoy the work that you do and it gives you a high. But even that doesn't make up for the rest of the pettifogging silliness that is part of corporate life, and that you can't get away from, try as you might - the politics, the jostling for attention, the need to demonstrate that you're working hard by staying late. Even if you don't succumb to any of these, just having to brush shoulders with these ridiculous aspects of life makes you wish you'd become a school teacher or better yet, an artist or something.
For my kids, for all the benefits in terms of lifestyle and comfort that corporate life bestows and despite the fact that I really enjoy the work I'm doing right now and find it very creative, I hope and wish that they never get into a corporate job. I hope they find something that they can do on their own, which is creative, soul-satisfying and in which they can call their own shots to the extent possible...Kite designers, singers, artists, writers...
Kind of makes me realise how painful the corporate grind is. When you start off with the MBA and stuff, it all looks wonderful - you're earning more by Year 3 than your dad who is at the senior-most rank in government, you have a bunch of friends and you all hang out and party every weekend. But then you go and complicate life by having kids and suddenly realise that few things compensate for spending time away from them. One of them is if you really enjoy the work that you do and it gives you a high. But even that doesn't make up for the rest of the pettifogging silliness that is part of corporate life, and that you can't get away from, try as you might - the politics, the jostling for attention, the need to demonstrate that you're working hard by staying late. Even if you don't succumb to any of these, just having to brush shoulders with these ridiculous aspects of life makes you wish you'd become a school teacher or better yet, an artist or something.
For my kids, for all the benefits in terms of lifestyle and comfort that corporate life bestows and despite the fact that I really enjoy the work I'm doing right now and find it very creative, I hope and wish that they never get into a corporate job. I hope they find something that they can do on their own, which is creative, soul-satisfying and in which they can call their own shots to the extent possible...Kite designers, singers, artists, writers...
Friday, April 11, 2008
Strange News Reports
Yesterday I got conned into picking up a magazine called Cosmowoman - I thought it was a separate magazine from the Cosmo gang, and though I have outgrown Cosmo, I enjoy GH and thought this might be another in the same vein. No such luck - it was a badly written magazine full of basic typos, spelling mistakes, poor grammar. But I loved one article about parenting which started off with this priceless opening sentence:
'Says XYZ, a psychologist, "I have come across many parents who have decided not to have children because they do not feel that they will be able to cope."'
It's along the same lines as this definition of heredity which I remember from Archie comics - "If your grandparents decided never to have kids and your parents decided never to have kids, it's likely you'll decide never to have kids too."
Also spotted this morning - a fluffpiece about how Tom Cruise and wife spent $ 200,000 on christening gifts for JLo's kids and are planning a $ 200 K party for them. And J Lo herself has also blown a packet on their clothing, rooms blah blah...
Some people sure don't fret half as much about their kids growing up with the right values as we middle-class types do, what with making sure they walk to and from the school bus stop and use public transport and so on!
'Says XYZ, a psychologist, "I have come across many parents who have decided not to have children because they do not feel that they will be able to cope."'
It's along the same lines as this definition of heredity which I remember from Archie comics - "If your grandparents decided never to have kids and your parents decided never to have kids, it's likely you'll decide never to have kids too."
Also spotted this morning - a fluffpiece about how Tom Cruise and wife spent $ 200,000 on christening gifts for JLo's kids and are planning a $ 200 K party for them. And J Lo herself has also blown a packet on their clothing, rooms blah blah...
Some people sure don't fret half as much about their kids growing up with the right values as we middle-class types do, what with making sure they walk to and from the school bus stop and use public transport and so on!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Weird Relatives
I saw this guy with the weirdest comb-over the other day. He's an old guy, I think owns the hospital I was visiting my doctor at and has snow-white hair. He's totally bald on top and sides, and only has hair growing out of the base of his head. So does he cut it short and just enjoy the breeze? No sirree, he grows the back hair long ( about a foot long, I'm not kidding), parts it in two like we would for 2 pigtails, and then carefully combs each side upwards and forwards so it covers the sides and top and comes to rest on his forehead. Donald trump would love this!
Looking at him reminded me of a weird cousin of dad's and one memory led to another and so I decided to start this blog tag rolling for whoever wants to pick it up - blog about a funny story involving weird behaviour on the part of one of your relatives. Hey - our kids gotta know where the madness comes from, right?
So - this cousin of my dad's - He's been a laid-back kind of guy all his life. Doesn;t work. Has two doting sisters who used to slave for him and have him their hard-earned salaries. He got married to a nice lady when he was about 40, and she's smart as a whip and a teacher so she's supporting him now...That's not even the weirdness I'm talking about.
He was attending my sister's wedding. He's been going bald for years and I guess the last remaining hair had given up the ghost so he'd bought himself a strange toupee. Dad was extremely busy overseeing wedding preparations and preoccupied so he didn't immediately notice that this cousin was in front of him. The cousin thought Dad didn't recognise him because of the new toupee, so he lifts it off his head about 6 inches to show his shiny bald pate and says, "Hey, it's me!"
**********************************************************
Another of dad's cousins ( how come all the weirdos I remember are from his side?) used to be this cool dude who hung out with movie stars in Mumbai and went to Singapore way back in the early 80s to sightsee. Somehow he ended up marrying a girl straight out of well, not a village, but the back of beyond, anyhow. She was nice but not hip...
Once she happened to be visiting my aunt in Mysore when she fell ill. My aunt took her to the family doc who said she needed an injection of some sort and told her to get ready for the injection while the doctor prepared it.
When my aunt and the doc turned back to the cousin's wife with the injection, I'm surprised they didn't need glucose - the lady, instead of pulling down her petticoat a little, had chosen to lift that and her saree all the way up above her waist.
My aunt can only say, "Thank God the family doc was a woman!"
Looking at him reminded me of a weird cousin of dad's and one memory led to another and so I decided to start this blog tag rolling for whoever wants to pick it up - blog about a funny story involving weird behaviour on the part of one of your relatives. Hey - our kids gotta know where the madness comes from, right?
So - this cousin of my dad's - He's been a laid-back kind of guy all his life. Doesn;t work. Has two doting sisters who used to slave for him and have him their hard-earned salaries. He got married to a nice lady when he was about 40, and she's smart as a whip and a teacher so she's supporting him now...That's not even the weirdness I'm talking about.
He was attending my sister's wedding. He's been going bald for years and I guess the last remaining hair had given up the ghost so he'd bought himself a strange toupee. Dad was extremely busy overseeing wedding preparations and preoccupied so he didn't immediately notice that this cousin was in front of him. The cousin thought Dad didn't recognise him because of the new toupee, so he lifts it off his head about 6 inches to show his shiny bald pate and says, "Hey, it's me!"
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Another of dad's cousins ( how come all the weirdos I remember are from his side?) used to be this cool dude who hung out with movie stars in Mumbai and went to Singapore way back in the early 80s to sightsee. Somehow he ended up marrying a girl straight out of well, not a village, but the back of beyond, anyhow. She was nice but not hip...
Once she happened to be visiting my aunt in Mysore when she fell ill. My aunt took her to the family doc who said she needed an injection of some sort and told her to get ready for the injection while the doctor prepared it.
When my aunt and the doc turned back to the cousin's wife with the injection, I'm surprised they didn't need glucose - the lady, instead of pulling down her petticoat a little, had chosen to lift that and her saree all the way up above her waist.
My aunt can only say, "Thank God the family doc was a woman!"
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
From the Mouths of babes...
Chubbocks has been growing up so much lately. He is really a wonderful little guy, caring, sensitive but with a great sense of fun, always ready to be or do the ridiculous( that they get from me!). As he grows up, I'm seeing such early signs of maturity, it's really heart-warming.
The other day, we were at my parents house in the evening - they live just a few houses away - and Puddi had climbed on the sofa and was standing up. Chubbocks sat between she and I and I was just drinking my evening cuppa. Suddenly Puddi started jumping up and down. My mom and I both warned her that she'd fall down but she carried on. Mom leapt up from her chair at the opposite side of the room and I turned to put my hot mug of tea down before catching Puds, but in that split-second, she had done it - fallen from the sofa onto the floor and banged her head hard in the process. She sent up an almighty roar and wailed and wailed. Mom and I tried to calm her down but at the same time were trying to tell her that that was what we were warning her about.
Chubbocks got upset, since Mom and I have a tendency to speak loudly when excited and burst out, "Woh choti hai na - she's a little thing. Don't yell. Take her nicely on your lap and tell her quietly, 'Puddi, don't do these things, you'll get hurt'." I almost choked to see how upset he got on her behalf and how protective he was.
A couple of days later, he decided he wanted to visit me at my office in the evening and have some coffee - he loves the over-sweet machine coffee. He came over about 5:30 and amused himself practising the Calvin expressions on the Decal in our cafeteria while I got the coffee. Then when we set off home, there was a terrible traffic jam just to exit the office complex. Cars with careless drivers were turned every which way, and nobody had the patience to let anyone else get past so everyone got more stuck in. I was antsy because I had to get ready and rush off for my birthday dinner with A and I started bad-mouthing one particularly bad driver who was nervy and uncertain, and each time he saw a gap in the traffic would keep hesitating and then try to get in when the gap closed, nearly scratching many cars and causing more chaos.
Then Chubbocks spoke up, "Mama, you should have more patients(sic)- everyone wants to go somewhere, na?"
I have to say, if he didn't have a mischievous and looney side to him, I would have written him off as a prig, but knowing all his many facets, I thought it was an amazingly good piece of advice.
Just this morning, he displayed one more sign of becoming a big boy. This year he has started going to school by school bus - he'd been begging for it for a while but we were being over-protective and sending him by car. Finally, we figured he's old enough and the journey short enough, and he loves it, chattering away busily with his friends, he doesn't even look back and wave once he's on the bus. For the first few days after he started busing, he asked A to take him to the colony gate where the bus comes. Then since the last week, he's been going with our maid in the car. And today, he insisted on trotting off by himself to the car. Sigh...there goes my first baby...
The other day, we were at my parents house in the evening - they live just a few houses away - and Puddi had climbed on the sofa and was standing up. Chubbocks sat between she and I and I was just drinking my evening cuppa. Suddenly Puddi started jumping up and down. My mom and I both warned her that she'd fall down but she carried on. Mom leapt up from her chair at the opposite side of the room and I turned to put my hot mug of tea down before catching Puds, but in that split-second, she had done it - fallen from the sofa onto the floor and banged her head hard in the process. She sent up an almighty roar and wailed and wailed. Mom and I tried to calm her down but at the same time were trying to tell her that that was what we were warning her about.
Chubbocks got upset, since Mom and I have a tendency to speak loudly when excited and burst out, "Woh choti hai na - she's a little thing. Don't yell. Take her nicely on your lap and tell her quietly, 'Puddi, don't do these things, you'll get hurt'." I almost choked to see how upset he got on her behalf and how protective he was.
A couple of days later, he decided he wanted to visit me at my office in the evening and have some coffee - he loves the over-sweet machine coffee. He came over about 5:30 and amused himself practising the Calvin expressions on the Decal in our cafeteria while I got the coffee. Then when we set off home, there was a terrible traffic jam just to exit the office complex. Cars with careless drivers were turned every which way, and nobody had the patience to let anyone else get past so everyone got more stuck in. I was antsy because I had to get ready and rush off for my birthday dinner with A and I started bad-mouthing one particularly bad driver who was nervy and uncertain, and each time he saw a gap in the traffic would keep hesitating and then try to get in when the gap closed, nearly scratching many cars and causing more chaos.
Then Chubbocks spoke up, "Mama, you should have more patients(sic)- everyone wants to go somewhere, na?"
I have to say, if he didn't have a mischievous and looney side to him, I would have written him off as a prig, but knowing all his many facets, I thought it was an amazingly good piece of advice.
Just this morning, he displayed one more sign of becoming a big boy. This year he has started going to school by school bus - he'd been begging for it for a while but we were being over-protective and sending him by car. Finally, we figured he's old enough and the journey short enough, and he loves it, chattering away busily with his friends, he doesn't even look back and wave once he's on the bus. For the first few days after he started busing, he asked A to take him to the colony gate where the bus comes. Then since the last week, he's been going with our maid in the car. And today, he insisted on trotting off by himself to the car. Sigh...there goes my first baby...
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Kids and Violence
Just read something over at TBFKAMM ( the blog formerly known as Mad Momma) that sparked off some reminiscences. Chubbocks has always been a very gentle child. Right from the time he was a baby, he used to burst into tears if he just heard raised voices. Any time any other child or adult wanted something he was holding, he'd give it up without a murmur. I loved that about him, and I used to constantly tell him how hitting other people or shouting at them was bad behaviour ( ok, I admit he stopped listening during his terrible twos, but he reverted back later - and those types of behaviour were reserved for his daddy and me).
When he started out at Playschool, they had an accompanied class so I used to go along twice a week. I noticed that a lot of the other children were far from gentle -they were rough, snatched things and refused to share. Chubbocks would wait around for ages hoping someone would get off a scooter and let him ride on it or to play with the tool kit. If he was ever pushed or shoved or even hit, he'd just take it quietly and come home and tell me about it, weeping. Well, I didn't want him being a passive pushover so I told him that if anyone displays that kind of behaviour, he needs to tell them, "Please don't do that. It's not nice."
Being the sunshiny boy he is, our friend nodded and trotted off to school. And kept telling his pushy classmates politely that they shouldn't do x or y or z. Many of these brats being the kind who thought politeness was a sign of weakness, they started in on Chubbocks again. Not that he ever got bullied or anything - he was very popular with them, but he did have to tandency to get roughed up when his classmates were busy playing snatch and grab ( that's one of the reasons I've always hated Khoi bags and never have one at Chubbock's birthday parties).
Finally A decided that I was teaching him to be a sissy and that he wasn't going to be able to survive in this rough city if he didn't stand up for himself more aggressively. So he told Chubbocks - if anyone ever hits you, just hit them back and then say sorry but that nobody should hit anyone else. Well, believe it or not, last year, one of the reports we had on Chubbocks was that when excited he tended to get rough with other kids, though he was always quick to apologise and make friends again.
I'm not sure where I am on this whole debate. Personally, I think it's terrible to tell your child that he has permission to hit someone else, under any circumstances. On the other hand, I don't want people to target him for bullying because he's gentle. I just wish I could preserve his gentleness and his innocence the way it is. Basically, I wish other parents would judt do their bit in disciplining their own children and teaching them how to get along and be nice instead of letting them go right ahead with aggressive behaviour. What kids learn in childhood, they carry throughout their lives. Maybe governments ( or someone more effective) should get in on the act and do something that actually encourages non-violence and cooperation as a way of life, and that might change the way the world is, by the time our kids grow up.
When he started out at Playschool, they had an accompanied class so I used to go along twice a week. I noticed that a lot of the other children were far from gentle -they were rough, snatched things and refused to share. Chubbocks would wait around for ages hoping someone would get off a scooter and let him ride on it or to play with the tool kit. If he was ever pushed or shoved or even hit, he'd just take it quietly and come home and tell me about it, weeping. Well, I didn't want him being a passive pushover so I told him that if anyone displays that kind of behaviour, he needs to tell them, "Please don't do that. It's not nice."
Being the sunshiny boy he is, our friend nodded and trotted off to school. And kept telling his pushy classmates politely that they shouldn't do x or y or z. Many of these brats being the kind who thought politeness was a sign of weakness, they started in on Chubbocks again. Not that he ever got bullied or anything - he was very popular with them, but he did have to tandency to get roughed up when his classmates were busy playing snatch and grab ( that's one of the reasons I've always hated Khoi bags and never have one at Chubbock's birthday parties).
Finally A decided that I was teaching him to be a sissy and that he wasn't going to be able to survive in this rough city if he didn't stand up for himself more aggressively. So he told Chubbocks - if anyone ever hits you, just hit them back and then say sorry but that nobody should hit anyone else. Well, believe it or not, last year, one of the reports we had on Chubbocks was that when excited he tended to get rough with other kids, though he was always quick to apologise and make friends again.
I'm not sure where I am on this whole debate. Personally, I think it's terrible to tell your child that he has permission to hit someone else, under any circumstances. On the other hand, I don't want people to target him for bullying because he's gentle. I just wish I could preserve his gentleness and his innocence the way it is. Basically, I wish other parents would judt do their bit in disciplining their own children and teaching them how to get along and be nice instead of letting them go right ahead with aggressive behaviour. What kids learn in childhood, they carry throughout their lives. Maybe governments ( or someone more effective) should get in on the act and do something that actually encourages non-violence and cooperation as a way of life, and that might change the way the world is, by the time our kids grow up.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Siblings
Puddi learns about sharing...
Chubbocks teaches Puddi how to pedal
The Mad Ranger learns to ride!!!
Puddi's magic 8
Am doing a long overdue tag on behalf of Puddi, sent by mummyjaan!
8 Things I am passionate about (right now):
1. Reading ( picking up Chubbocks or my own books and trying to figure out what they say)
2. Drawing ( grabbing Chubbocks crayons and any piece of paper - including books sometimes - and making scratch marks)
3. Playing with water, especially after Holi
4. Going out anywhere, especially Thatha's house
5. Dancing - I can't move without a swish of my l'il hips and swing of my l'il legs
6. Kinna ( Krishna, the animated series on Pogo)
7. Listening to stories
8. Mommy's jewellery - it looks just like candy - I don't know why she doesn't let me eat it
8 Things I do that drive My Mom crazy:
1. dart into the bathroom any time the door is open, looking for any opportunity to get wet
2. Wake up at four am asking for milk
3. Wake up at night and start talking loudly to my brother, Chubbocks
4. Insist on trying to eat my food myself and then come and rub my sticky hands all over the carpet and furniture in the drawing room
5. Howl the roof down any time amyone tries to change my clothes
6. Grab any glass of water or juice left in my reach and drink up the juice/ slather the water all over my face, pretending to be washing it
7. Try and grab the hot mugs of tea from the table every morning
8. Ask mommy to pick me up as soon as she gets home, even when she's in a hurry for the bathroom - and howl the roof down if she doesn't!
8 Things that I say often:
1. Papipi - for pani pi
2. Kahani Shunai ( tell me a story)
3. Goomi, with a nice little pout, when I want to go out
4. Totty dedo Anv'oopa didi - when I'm trying to worm a toffee out of Anuroopa Didi who takes care of me during the day when Mommy is in office
5. Ushko dedo, yeh - when I'm trying to get Chubbocks to give me whatever he's playing with
6. Nai kalo abba - when I want abba to stop tickling me
7. Iliyaviyu ( I love you) - to mom, dad and Chubbocks
8. Pakallo - when I want to play catch catch, running around the house
8 Books that I have read/ scribbled on/ torn :
1. The Snail's journey through the forest
2. 365 mythological tales from India
3. Mother Goose
4. Karadi Tales - Krishna
5. Karadi Tales - Hanuman
6. My baby book
7. The Big Book of Animals
8. Dinosaurs
8 Things that make me the person I am:
1. How soft and cuddly I am - everyone loves to pick me up and nuzzle my cheeks and neck and hug me
2. My sense of humour - I love laughing and making other people laugh
3. My love for music - I can even sing some songs, and I can make up dance steps to anything
4. I'm a perpetual motion machine and can keep myself busy just running from one room to another all day
5. I learn things fast
6. My love for and curiosity about the world around me
7. Imitating Chubbocks, even down to dragging a bag behind me, saying 'cool' (school), and heading for the door
8. Last but not least - my cheerfulness and sense of mischief and glee in every moment of the day
8 songs that I listen to over and over :
1. Suvi Suvamma lale suvalaale ( a kannada folksong)
2. Ho la la la laai (a lullaby with nonsense words made up by mom's great grandmom and passed on through the generations)
3. La la li la la..Krishna ( the theme song from krishna)
4. Nagaala Nagaala - the one from Chavimatch, as Chubbocks says ( jab we met)
5. Taniyaaa...( my version of Nusrat's song tere bin nai lagda dil mera soneyaa..)
6. Puddi, puddare puddi chikkalguddi chikkalguddi - a nonsense song mom made up and Chubbocks loves singing to me
7. O puddi, zara pud ke dikha, zara thumka laga ( another song my mom turned into nonsense)
8. Anything Chubbocks sings in his lovely, melodious voice
I'd like to tag Kodi's mom ( kodi), Tharini ( Winkie and Thambi) and Kiran ( Krish) to do this for their kids!
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