Here I go again…

I just finished watching Mamma Mia, the hit musical film based on ABBA music. Yes, I'm about a year behind schedule, but it was wonderful to finally get to watch it thanks to the power of my new DVR, and as A and I belted out the songs to the assembled audience of a dance-crazy daughter and a slightly embarrassed six year old son, it brought back a host of memories from college days.

My college friend Bhavna has her birthday on the first of January, and every year she'd host a birthday bash at her house on the first. She used to have an all-day party for all her girlfriends, and in the evening the 'formal' party would be held with family friends and so on, cake cutting etc. We'd all land up there bright and early, since our curfews were quite early in those days. There was a gang of about ten of us from college who used to be close friends and we'd all land up together around eleven. Bhavna stayed in a government flat which boasted a large living room, and as soon as all of us got there, she'd dig out her ABBA records and all of us would have a blast singing along at the top of our voices, dancing, gossiping…

It used to be a real feel-good of a day and cast a pleasant spell over us. It was such a wonderful way to start a new year off – hang out with friends, warm sunlight flooding in on a clear, cold day, listen, sing and dance to great music and eat good food all day!

Time for me

As you have kids and life becomes ever more hectic, it's so easy to forget about making time for the things you want or like. After a while, as a mom, it almost becomes second nature to deny yourself what you want and opt for what the kids want instead - trips to the park instead of to an art gallery or museum, eating at the McDs instead of a restaurant, skipping movies, opting for family time instead of time as a couple...

For me somehow, right from the beginning, it's been important to have time for A and I as a couple. We've had good help at home, and my parents living close by so we've managed to go out for movies, out for meals or parties once in a while. But time to myself has been something I've been pretty stingy about, maybe also because I work fulltime.

In the beginning it was so bad that I would put off nature breaks if the kids wanted something, not realising I was hopping uneasily from one foot to the other while getting whatever they needed. Now it's a rare occurrence for me to go out for so much as a mani-pedi, a once in 3-4 months thing. Haircuts have become an annual event. (Of course, the mani-pedi-haircut thing may also be because I'm naturally lazy about things like that - have been even before I had kids.) Reading is once the kids are in bed or while I'm getting ready or commuting. Writing tends to happen late at night or during occasional breaks at work. Worst of all is that I've fallen off the fitness wagon.

I used to work out thrice a week with a trainer when Chubbocks was small. But that was a time I felt I could permit myself since I worked only halfdays. Then, after Puddi came, I started really rationing my me-time so I began working out with the trainer at 5:30 in the morning, as that one hour was a spell during which the kids and A were fast asleep, so I wasn't 'robbing' anyone of that time. And after Bojjandi came along, I just didn't have the bandwidth or the energy, between breast-feeding, pumping, working and making time for the other two and A.

It's only when I took a break from work, starting July, that I felt I could make a commitment to one hour of working out, and enrolled in a nearby gym. It's been a great thing for me, because I'm not a do-it-yourself yoga type, I either need a tape/ DVD or the energy of other people that bounces off the wall at a gym, to push me. I also have always loved weight-training and working out on machines and the gym has more than enough for my needs so I love working out there.

More than everything, though, when I was doing some thinking about life directions as one tends to do at the end of every year, it hit me that being fit and healthy and energetic went beyond just going back to my original size - before the hypo-thyroid and baby-making caught up on me. It was to do with the sense of empowerment I felt just by taking action against something I saw as an issue. And also, it was about becoming healthier, having more energy to do things for myself and for others. That's when it hit me that one of the few changes I feel called upon to make this year onwards in my attitude towards my own health and fitness, and me-time in general.

I have to start thinking of it as an investment in the family, rather than something I'm robbing them of. Just like I try and think of working as something that builds assets for the family - more money, yes, but also a more patient me. My being fit and having more energy to hang with the kids and being more healthy is likely to keep paying off longterm dividends for the family. I'll be around longer, for one thing. And healthier more of that time. And happier, with a better self image and more positivity and a better attitude about how to cope with life's troubles, big and small.

I think a lot of women make this mistake of treating anything they do for themselves as an indulgence and therefore either of secondary importance or 'robbing' their family. Sometimes it is, let's face it. But a lot of times, it is something that's necessary for their physical and mental wellbeing, so let's stop Nirupa-Roying ourselves!

Looking back at 2009

The Good:
Getting to take a break from working
Visiting the US and seeing my sister and family twice and meeting my new nephew; while on business
Having a rare few hours of just my parents, my sister and I - not a spouse or child in sight :)Setting the stage for a great next job
Finding out I do have balls, just like I always thought!
Finding some true friends through a time of crisis
Catching up with lots of old friends anew
Holidaying by myself
Learning to discipline my spending
Getting back to gym-ming
Spending time with the family
Houseguests, including unexpectedly, because he lives just down the street, Dad
Getting the house just the way we want it
Losing some of the baby weight - hallelujah!
Visiting new places - Seattle, Minneapolis
Starting a book club
Reading some amazing books
Sharing lots of laughs with Ali over our bedtime viewing of Friends, Frasier and The Cosby Show
Products we designed getting launched
Alena getting into Aman's School

The Bad:
The sound of the two kaudi I have left in my bank account clinking together
A lapse of judgement and values
Health in general
My ex-workplaceAli's film production gig not working out due to the slowdown

The Ugly:
Armaan's hospitalisation
Armaan and Alena's frequent coughs and colds
Finding out how low some people can sink
An egomaniacal exboss out for revenge
Dealing with cops and lawyers

All in all, a year in which the good and great outweighed the bad and ugly, by far. God - thank you for this, and all the laughter, tears and learning you sent my way last year.

This year, what I wish for:
To grow
To learn
To be more patient and more accepting
To stay true to my core values
For my family and friends to stay healthy, happy and stable...

And for me to get back into shape :)