Saturday, May 24, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Chubbocks Battles a T-Rex
This is the T-Rex we psyched Madmomma out with, among other visitors to our place! He gets his histrionic talent from me, natch!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Blog-Meets
I'm pretty new to blogging - started some time last year - and didn't know anything about blogmeets - I thought you only met people virtually. Then I started getting into it more and finding out there were organised blogmeets but had never bothered to participate in one, for a variety of reasons. Then, of course, the baby shower egroup started the ball rolling and suddenly there was this superactive gang of galpals who hung out everyday pre and post shower, yapping about anything under the sun - it felt like being back at hostel again. And what with my surprise baby shower, was very curious and eager to meet Madmomma who was one of the instigators.
With one thing and the other various weekend plans didn't materialise and then last week I had decided that I had to make this happen when up popped a message in my gmail account - MM wanted to come over and meet us. Great minds think alike! We tried for lunch on Sunday but A had to go in to work so that scuttled it, and then decided we'd meet up in the evening. I chivvied my one single maid all day - the stay-at-home maid is on leave and this one had been skimping on work since I'd hardly been home so Sunday I had her under my beady eye, hard at work putting our house into something like order. A and I were in the local market that morning so we picked up dhoklas and milk cake, which are both pretty delish at the sweet shop there.
Finally, by afternoon, the house looked less like a tornado had hit it and A retired to snooze, while I balefully sat with my laptop trying to finish the giant load of work I was struggling with, with one hand, while playing Ludo with Chubbocks with the other hand. After tea, we arranged ourselves in the living room, and I had the first-date feeling - you know, where you know lots about someone on a fairly surface basis and are meeting properly for the first time. I'm like that - when I meet old friends after a long gap, I always wonder whether we'll still be the same as ever or different. Mostly because it's happened a couple of times that a friend and I didn't change in the same direction and suddenly had nothing to say. Of course, the kids didn't let us sit demurely - they were all over us, with Chubbocks checking on a second-by-second basis - What's the time? You said they'll come by 5:30-6? Is it time? Finally I told him in sheer exasperation that if he asked me one more time I would ask them not to come ( Yeah, that mom of the year award is getting farther away from me every minute!). Luckily, just around then, the doorbell rang and there they were.
MM, OA, Brat and Beanie. MM is much prettier in real life than the photographs do justice to and taller too - the way she describes herself, I thought I'd see this shortie. Stylish and very warm, I felt at ease with her and OA immediately and so did A who usually takes time to warm up. The Brat and Chubbocks immediately made friends and went off to play together, Chubbocks eager to show off his new Hot Wheels racing set. The Brat looks cute in all the photos on the blog but in person he is so handsome he takes your breath away! And the Bean is such a cool little person - very self-possessed, with enormous, limpid eyes and a tiny little thing that just cries out to be picked up and hugged. Puddi alternated between clutching me and going inside to play with the Brat and Chubbocks. Chubbocks and I played our new favourite party trick of springing his dinosaur book on MM ( It has very realistic pop-out pictures of dinos including a T-Rex), and made her scream. Soon Puddi was enough at ease to go to MM which is quite rare right now. We chatted together easily and I was wishing we could ask them to stay for dinner. But I knew the maid had probably stuck us with leftover and thanks to momnesia, it never occurred to me that I could whip up something quickly or that we could order in.
So all too soon, their visit finished, with promises to get together after we get back from vacation next week. I had a warm feeling as if this was the 'beginning of a beautiful friendship', to paraphrase Casablanca, and I am so looking forward to meeting up with them again, not to mention other blogmeets that are due to happen.
With one thing and the other various weekend plans didn't materialise and then last week I had decided that I had to make this happen when up popped a message in my gmail account - MM wanted to come over and meet us. Great minds think alike! We tried for lunch on Sunday but A had to go in to work so that scuttled it, and then decided we'd meet up in the evening. I chivvied my one single maid all day - the stay-at-home maid is on leave and this one had been skimping on work since I'd hardly been home so Sunday I had her under my beady eye, hard at work putting our house into something like order. A and I were in the local market that morning so we picked up dhoklas and milk cake, which are both pretty delish at the sweet shop there.
Finally, by afternoon, the house looked less like a tornado had hit it and A retired to snooze, while I balefully sat with my laptop trying to finish the giant load of work I was struggling with, with one hand, while playing Ludo with Chubbocks with the other hand. After tea, we arranged ourselves in the living room, and I had the first-date feeling - you know, where you know lots about someone on a fairly surface basis and are meeting properly for the first time. I'm like that - when I meet old friends after a long gap, I always wonder whether we'll still be the same as ever or different. Mostly because it's happened a couple of times that a friend and I didn't change in the same direction and suddenly had nothing to say. Of course, the kids didn't let us sit demurely - they were all over us, with Chubbocks checking on a second-by-second basis - What's the time? You said they'll come by 5:30-6? Is it time? Finally I told him in sheer exasperation that if he asked me one more time I would ask them not to come ( Yeah, that mom of the year award is getting farther away from me every minute!). Luckily, just around then, the doorbell rang and there they were.
MM, OA, Brat and Beanie. MM is much prettier in real life than the photographs do justice to and taller too - the way she describes herself, I thought I'd see this shortie. Stylish and very warm, I felt at ease with her and OA immediately and so did A who usually takes time to warm up. The Brat and Chubbocks immediately made friends and went off to play together, Chubbocks eager to show off his new Hot Wheels racing set. The Brat looks cute in all the photos on the blog but in person he is so handsome he takes your breath away! And the Bean is such a cool little person - very self-possessed, with enormous, limpid eyes and a tiny little thing that just cries out to be picked up and hugged. Puddi alternated between clutching me and going inside to play with the Brat and Chubbocks. Chubbocks and I played our new favourite party trick of springing his dinosaur book on MM ( It has very realistic pop-out pictures of dinos including a T-Rex), and made her scream. Soon Puddi was enough at ease to go to MM which is quite rare right now. We chatted together easily and I was wishing we could ask them to stay for dinner. But I knew the maid had probably stuck us with leftover and thanks to momnesia, it never occurred to me that I could whip up something quickly or that we could order in.
So all too soon, their visit finished, with promises to get together after we get back from vacation next week. I had a warm feeling as if this was the 'beginning of a beautiful friendship', to paraphrase Casablanca, and I am so looking forward to meeting up with them again, not to mention other blogmeets that are due to happen.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Falling in love
I thought I was done. I thought I had reached the limit of falling in love with Chubbocks...and then he does these little heart-melty things which turn me into a giant puddle of mush and have me falling in love with him all over again...
I got home with a terrible lower back ache yesterday. This happens with every pregnancy ( gee, I sound like I've been through half a dozen, doesn't it?) - my tail bones start aching so badly that at times I wonder if I'll be able to sit up from lying down or stand up from a sitting position. I was in agony and hours of sitting down for work hadn't helped. Chubbocks was most concerned when he saw me grimacing and groaning. Next thing I knew, every time I tried to get up from the sofa this little tyke was there, slipping his shoulder under mine to help me. He helped me all the way up the stairs and insisted on walking me into my bedroom and helping me to sit down before he went off to his own room. Later when I went to say Goodnight to him, he had tears in his soft brown eyes, he was so upset that I was in pain.
While I was having a much-belated dinner, he wanted to do some colouring so I asked him to write out a note and then colour it in. He wrote the sweetest little note, all by himself - it's making me feel ten feet tall to see him able to do this - all correct spellings and everything ( will post the pic here later). Then he drew a rocket with a huge heart on it, because "I love you so much". He gave me the note and the rocket picture to hold during the night in case I got scared!
He's finding it hard sometimes to transition from the guy who collared all the attention to having to share it with Puddi. From a time when the littlest thing he did was an achievement to one where a lot of what he does is now taken for granted and it's Puddi's achievement is quite a step. Yesterday evening, both he and Puds were taking turns to hang off the bar of the swing as if it was a monkey gym. A was taking pictures and my parents were cheering them both on ( I was at work, sadly). Chubbocks got in the way when A was trying to take pictures of Puddi swinging, and my mom pulled him to one side. Poor guy got terribly upset and went into his sulk mode - he sits in a corner, arms folded, head down. It's an adorable and yet heart-breaking pose. Then no one's coaxing worked to bring him out - until Puddi went and sat by him, patting his head and giving him kisses until he finally reverted to his usual sunshine.
Chubbocks sulks
Puddi is concerned
Finally she manages to make him look up again!
I love his enthusiasm for learning. He has new passions all the time. Some time ago, it was dinosaurs. We'd bought him a couple of books and videos and he loved watching them over and over, and even Puddi knows the names of a few Dinos now. Then it was a book called Your Body, which he made us read from end to end. Then a book called The Earth, and tornadoes became his turn-on du jour...Each time he picks up a new interest, he makes sure he learns a lot about it, asking all sorts of questions, flipping through the books by himself and practically memorising the contents. Then he cutely sits down with Puddi and explains things to her. It's quite a treat to see them sitting side by side in the morning, her favourite animals book open on his lap as he points to each one and teaches her their names. "I've made her a genius", he proclaimed proudly yesterday.
There are so many reasons that I love him more and more as the days go by...makes me look forward to every new day.
I got home with a terrible lower back ache yesterday. This happens with every pregnancy ( gee, I sound like I've been through half a dozen, doesn't it?) - my tail bones start aching so badly that at times I wonder if I'll be able to sit up from lying down or stand up from a sitting position. I was in agony and hours of sitting down for work hadn't helped. Chubbocks was most concerned when he saw me grimacing and groaning. Next thing I knew, every time I tried to get up from the sofa this little tyke was there, slipping his shoulder under mine to help me. He helped me all the way up the stairs and insisted on walking me into my bedroom and helping me to sit down before he went off to his own room. Later when I went to say Goodnight to him, he had tears in his soft brown eyes, he was so upset that I was in pain.
While I was having a much-belated dinner, he wanted to do some colouring so I asked him to write out a note and then colour it in. He wrote the sweetest little note, all by himself - it's making me feel ten feet tall to see him able to do this - all correct spellings and everything ( will post the pic here later). Then he drew a rocket with a huge heart on it, because "I love you so much". He gave me the note and the rocket picture to hold during the night in case I got scared!
He's finding it hard sometimes to transition from the guy who collared all the attention to having to share it with Puddi. From a time when the littlest thing he did was an achievement to one where a lot of what he does is now taken for granted and it's Puddi's achievement is quite a step. Yesterday evening, both he and Puds were taking turns to hang off the bar of the swing as if it was a monkey gym. A was taking pictures and my parents were cheering them both on ( I was at work, sadly). Chubbocks got in the way when A was trying to take pictures of Puddi swinging, and my mom pulled him to one side. Poor guy got terribly upset and went into his sulk mode - he sits in a corner, arms folded, head down. It's an adorable and yet heart-breaking pose. Then no one's coaxing worked to bring him out - until Puddi went and sat by him, patting his head and giving him kisses until he finally reverted to his usual sunshine.
Chubbocks sulks
Puddi is concerned
Finally she manages to make him look up again!
I love his enthusiasm for learning. He has new passions all the time. Some time ago, it was dinosaurs. We'd bought him a couple of books and videos and he loved watching them over and over, and even Puddi knows the names of a few Dinos now. Then it was a book called Your Body, which he made us read from end to end. Then a book called The Earth, and tornadoes became his turn-on du jour...Each time he picks up a new interest, he makes sure he learns a lot about it, asking all sorts of questions, flipping through the books by himself and practically memorising the contents. Then he cutely sits down with Puddi and explains things to her. It's quite a treat to see them sitting side by side in the morning, her favourite animals book open on his lap as he points to each one and teaches her their names. "I've made her a genius", he proclaimed proudly yesterday.
There are so many reasons that I love him more and more as the days go by...makes me look forward to every new day.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sibling Fights
I knew we'd get to this stage but never did I imagine it'd be so soon and in this manner. Chubbocks who's always been a super gentle child is all the more gentle with his sister, except once in a while when he gets into snatch and grab. Puddi, it turns out, is going to be infinitely more trouble. Already starting to get defiant ( kaloonga!), she has started bullying Chubbocks. And unfortunately, human nature being what it is, as soon as she sets up a wail, the first reaction is to check what the elder one did. I did it again last night. I was having a late dinner, having traipsed home from work only at 9, and the kids were playing. Suddenly, Puddi sets up a wail. "What did you do?" I asked Chubbocks. Poor guy, his face fell and he said, "I only did the work you told me - I put my frisbees up on the bed so Puddi won't jump on them."
I immediately apologised to him and scolded Puddi who stopped wailing as soon as she realised that wasn't going to get her the frisbees back ( cunning little thing!). Puddi also has started getting a little jealous. Both the kids rush to fling themselves at me and A as soon as we get home, catching hold of one leg each before we've even made it fully through the door. Yesterday, when A got home and the kids did that, Puddi apparently pushed away Chubs and poked him and even hit him. In fact, I've noticed her saying, "Maaloonga" ( I'll hit), to Chubbocks quite a few times and actually hitting him. Whenever we are home, we immediately admonish her. In fact it happened this morning while we were having tea, and as I scolded Puddi and told her she was being bad and that I wouldn't play with her if she hit Chubbocks, Chubboo, that soft-hearted little fellow turns to me and says, "But she's so cute, mamma."
It really breaks my heart sometimes to see this little guy being the big brother - endlessly protective and loving, freely willing to share his toys and books and games, even while he's dealing with his own growing up - being put upon by this tiny brat of a girl. I'm going to have to keep a stern eye on the li'l un and make sure she doesn't chouse Chubbocks out of his due just because she's smaller and he's gentler. I shudder to think what further mayhem will ensue when the third one joins the gang!
I immediately apologised to him and scolded Puddi who stopped wailing as soon as she realised that wasn't going to get her the frisbees back ( cunning little thing!). Puddi also has started getting a little jealous. Both the kids rush to fling themselves at me and A as soon as we get home, catching hold of one leg each before we've even made it fully through the door. Yesterday, when A got home and the kids did that, Puddi apparently pushed away Chubs and poked him and even hit him. In fact, I've noticed her saying, "Maaloonga" ( I'll hit), to Chubbocks quite a few times and actually hitting him. Whenever we are home, we immediately admonish her. In fact it happened this morning while we were having tea, and as I scolded Puddi and told her she was being bad and that I wouldn't play with her if she hit Chubbocks, Chubboo, that soft-hearted little fellow turns to me and says, "But she's so cute, mamma."
It really breaks my heart sometimes to see this little guy being the big brother - endlessly protective and loving, freely willing to share his toys and books and games, even while he's dealing with his own growing up - being put upon by this tiny brat of a girl. I'm going to have to keep a stern eye on the li'l un and make sure she doesn't chouse Chubbocks out of his due just because she's smaller and he's gentler. I shudder to think what further mayhem will ensue when the third one joins the gang!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Quotable Quotes
between blogger problems and working late and on weekends have not had much time for blogging but wanted to drop in some quotes:
Me: Chubbocks, it's mother's day. Where's my present?
Chubbocks ( sweetly): My love is your present, mamma.
**********************************************************
Me: Chubbocks( who is lately much interested in discussing and acting like a tornado), if you spin that hard, your pp will fly off. How will you do susu?
Chubbocks: With my bum!
**********************************************************
Me: Chubbocks, I scold you quite a bit sometimes. Do you still love me?
Chubbocks: It's ok, you're my mamma, na.
**********************************************************
Me: Puddi, don't drop that water ( pani nahin giraao)
Puddi ( just starting terrible twos): Gilaaoonga!
**********************************************************
Me: Puddi, nahin karo!
Puddi: Kaloonga!
**********************************************************
Me - brushing out Puddi's hair before she goes to the park
Puddi speaking her first sentence: Alley, mujhe lagaalahe ho! ( Arrey, You're hurting me)
Me: Chubbocks, it's mother's day. Where's my present?
Chubbocks ( sweetly): My love is your present, mamma.
**********************************************************
Me: Chubbocks( who is lately much interested in discussing and acting like a tornado), if you spin that hard, your pp will fly off. How will you do susu?
Chubbocks: With my bum!
**********************************************************
Me: Chubbocks, I scold you quite a bit sometimes. Do you still love me?
Chubbocks: It's ok, you're my mamma, na.
**********************************************************
Me: Puddi, don't drop that water ( pani nahin giraao)
Puddi ( just starting terrible twos): Gilaaoonga!
**********************************************************
Me: Puddi, nahin karo!
Puddi: Kaloonga!
**********************************************************
Me - brushing out Puddi's hair before she goes to the park
Puddi speaking her first sentence: Alley, mujhe lagaalahe ho! ( Arrey, You're hurting me)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Riddle-me-Ree, Who can she be?
Greetings wonderful MTBs!!!
and good work to all of you!
For having solved the riddle before
I give you all this clue.
The letter " K "
Write it down, add it on...
And let’s move on to the next little song.
“A super duper chilled mom, sunny and bright
Adores her darling “firstborn” – that sure is right
Not one, not two, not three, not four
Tis six different blogs she hangs out at, por favor
A lady who likes to do tags when they’re “red hot”
A surefire thirst for blogging, she’s definitely got.”
Solve it and you get your lead
Misguess, and you lose your speed
Solve it slow but solve it now
And before you go, take a little bow
Go to 'Comments' and leave me a clue
Tell me which blog you are off to.
Good luck! Good luck! Be on your way.
You have your work, cut out for the day!
and good work to all of you!
For having solved the riddle before
I give you all this clue.
The letter " K "
Write it down, add it on...
And let’s move on to the next little song.
“A super duper chilled mom, sunny and bright
Adores her darling “firstborn” – that sure is right
Not one, not two, not three, not four
Tis six different blogs she hangs out at, por favor
A lady who likes to do tags when they’re “red hot”
A surefire thirst for blogging, she’s definitely got.”
Solve it and you get your lead
Misguess, and you lose your speed
Solve it slow but solve it now
And before you go, take a little bow
Go to 'Comments' and leave me a clue
Tell me which blog you are off to.
Good luck! Good luck! Be on your way.
You have your work, cut out for the day!
Kids and Violence
This is starting to become an old song on my blog, but I don't get the deal with kids these days and violence. Last week, one of Chubbock's classmates, the guy who was the shyest kid in playschool, pushed Chubbocks and knocked him down and then STOMPED on his ear while wearing sneakers!! Chubbocks being the gentle boy he is didn't retaliate, just told the teacher who apparently had a word with the kid and said they would chat about it as a group during circle time as well. But honestly, what a violent impulse, and where's the sense of self-control which kids should start learning by the age of five?
At the park over the weekend, one kid's brother fell down, so the kid ( the elder brother), starts pointing and laughing, saying, "Mera bhai mar gaya" ( my brother died). No empathy, no going over to check if the little kid is hurt, just standing there and enjoying the 'fun'. And here are my two little misfits running to kiss anyone whom they see falling down and saying sorry even if they haven't been responsible - it's not something I've consciously taught them so how do some parents manage to stamp this natural goodness out of their kids? Sometimes I feel my kids won't be able to relate to their peers because their values and behaviour will be so out of sync!
All these kids in Chubbock's class- and it's a swish school so presumably the parents are educated/ have access to media and should be knowledgeable - have seen Race ( a thriller with fratricide as the theme), Welcome ( a movie about a gangster wanting to marry off his sister) and Hello Baby ( about 3 bachelors who wind up with someone's illegitimate baby). They regularly watch shows on Cartoon Network, which is rapidly degenarating into showing only violent Japanese cartoons, with the favourite being Ben 10 about a boy who fights aliens, throws bombs, kicks aliens down and so on. Every day they come to school and fill in Chubbocks ( who isn't allowed to watch) on what happened the previous day. On the other hand, when we went to see Horton Hears a Who, a wonderful adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book, all about tolerance and accepting differences, we were amongst the 6 people in the theatre.
I don't get it. Are people really that unaware, that illiterate about the impact of media particularly on little kids who have yet to learn to distinguish media from the real world? I recently contributed an article to a book on Media Literacy for Children and it was amazing to see the kinds of measures other countries have taken and what little we do here in India, just because media is 'independent'. In Germany and a host of European countries, ads are banned during children's programming, and they have strict guidelines on what programming is suitable for what agegroup, which parents follow. Here, I don't think anyone else besides Chubs watched Teletubbies till age 4!
The other thing I don't get is the lack of self-discipline. If the parents are so hooked into the soaps with all their negative characters and negative behaviour they should have the sense to send their kids out of the room. Or if they are dying to watch the latest movie, get a babysitter of some sort or wait for the damn DVD which will hit stores in a couple weeks anyway. How can they drag their young kids to an adult movie, sometimes a night show, even, and not expect that to have any consequences on the children's values or their health? But I know ex-colleagues and friends who have made it a 'family together' thing to sit and watch the soaps with their kids from the time the kids were under 3. What is the kid going to decode about acceptable codes of behavious, about right and wrong, about values, about anything other than wearing heavy kanjeevaram sarees all day along with hideous jewellery, tons of make-up and then sit about plotting something or other every day?
I'm planning to write and then speak with the principal of Chubbocks' school and ask them to have a workshop for parents and teachers on media literacy and the impact of media on children. The school is pretty open about this kind of stuff so hopefully they will go along. Meanwhile, I'm all set to watch a movie this weekend ( again A) and what's the bet the hall will be chockablock with li'l'uns?
Okay, rant over, am going to leave you with a picture of James Dean running away with his sister!
Don't worry, the fierce expression is just mugging for the camera - he's a real pussycat!
At the park over the weekend, one kid's brother fell down, so the kid ( the elder brother), starts pointing and laughing, saying, "Mera bhai mar gaya" ( my brother died). No empathy, no going over to check if the little kid is hurt, just standing there and enjoying the 'fun'. And here are my two little misfits running to kiss anyone whom they see falling down and saying sorry even if they haven't been responsible - it's not something I've consciously taught them so how do some parents manage to stamp this natural goodness out of their kids? Sometimes I feel my kids won't be able to relate to their peers because their values and behaviour will be so out of sync!
All these kids in Chubbock's class- and it's a swish school so presumably the parents are educated/ have access to media and should be knowledgeable - have seen Race ( a thriller with fratricide as the theme), Welcome ( a movie about a gangster wanting to marry off his sister) and Hello Baby ( about 3 bachelors who wind up with someone's illegitimate baby). They regularly watch shows on Cartoon Network, which is rapidly degenarating into showing only violent Japanese cartoons, with the favourite being Ben 10 about a boy who fights aliens, throws bombs, kicks aliens down and so on. Every day they come to school and fill in Chubbocks ( who isn't allowed to watch) on what happened the previous day. On the other hand, when we went to see Horton Hears a Who, a wonderful adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book, all about tolerance and accepting differences, we were amongst the 6 people in the theatre.
I don't get it. Are people really that unaware, that illiterate about the impact of media particularly on little kids who have yet to learn to distinguish media from the real world? I recently contributed an article to a book on Media Literacy for Children and it was amazing to see the kinds of measures other countries have taken and what little we do here in India, just because media is 'independent'. In Germany and a host of European countries, ads are banned during children's programming, and they have strict guidelines on what programming is suitable for what agegroup, which parents follow. Here, I don't think anyone else besides Chubs watched Teletubbies till age 4!
The other thing I don't get is the lack of self-discipline. If the parents are so hooked into the soaps with all their negative characters and negative behaviour they should have the sense to send their kids out of the room. Or if they are dying to watch the latest movie, get a babysitter of some sort or wait for the damn DVD which will hit stores in a couple weeks anyway. How can they drag their young kids to an adult movie, sometimes a night show, even, and not expect that to have any consequences on the children's values or their health? But I know ex-colleagues and friends who have made it a 'family together' thing to sit and watch the soaps with their kids from the time the kids were under 3. What is the kid going to decode about acceptable codes of behavious, about right and wrong, about values, about anything other than wearing heavy kanjeevaram sarees all day along with hideous jewellery, tons of make-up and then sit about plotting something or other every day?
I'm planning to write and then speak with the principal of Chubbocks' school and ask them to have a workshop for parents and teachers on media literacy and the impact of media on children. The school is pretty open about this kind of stuff so hopefully they will go along. Meanwhile, I'm all set to watch a movie this weekend ( again A) and what's the bet the hall will be chockablock with li'l'uns?
Okay, rant over, am going to leave you with a picture of James Dean running away with his sister!
Don't worry, the fierce expression is just mugging for the camera - he's a real pussycat!
Monday, April 21, 2008
tagged - More abt me than you ever wanted to know...!
Swati tagged me to 'tell all' so here goes...
Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Horton Hears a Who ( highly recommended for kids over 5)
What Book Are You Reading:
Being Indian by Pavan Varma, Famous Five series by Enid Blyton, The Palace of illusions by Chitra Banerji Divakaruni
Favorite Board Game:
Strategy and Cluedo; also scrabble
Favorite Magazine:
O, O at Home, Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, Vogue, Elle Decor
Favorite Smells:
Flowers, babies' hair, any fruity perfumes, musk
Favorite Sound:
The kids laughing, Geeta Dutt and Manna Dey, the sound of silence when the kids are asleep :)
Worst Feeling In The World:
Seeing Chubbocks crest-fallen face when I've scolded him
What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake?
Wish I could sleep some more
Favorite Fast Food Place:
Chat anywhere any time
Future Child's Name:
Still thinking, but Armaan for a boy ( left over from Puddi's time)
Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...”
Quit and travel around the world
Do You Drive Fast?
YNo, I drive Nuts ( my husband, that is)
Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
Yup - a when he's overeaten :)
Storms-Cool Or Scary?
Cool
What Was Your First Car?
Opel Kadett - 10 year old secondhand, dark blue, big, able to travel without a hitch at 200 km per hour - still miss the darn thing
Favorite Drink:
Jal Jeera/ roohafza ( ok, now have permanently deleted myself off the 'cool people' list)
Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Time I Would .....”
..Sleep
..go on a long vacay with A and the kids
..Finish writing my #$@ book
Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
Yup
If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?
Purple - but A may scream at the sight of me, and I'd get fired for sure!
Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Bangalore, mysore, Delhi, bangkok, Singapore, Calcutta, Mumbai, Fontainebleau, gurgaon
Favorite Sports To Watch:
If i have to it'd be cricket
One Nice Thing About The Person(s) Who Sent This To You:
Swati had a nice sense of humour and a light touch while blogging!
What's Under Your Bed?
A defunct music system awaiting repairs
Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
Yup, if A is reborn as himself too!
Morning Person Or Night Owl?
Early to bed and Late to rise is my new motto!
Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?
Scrambled
Favorite Place To Relax:
The terrace garden
Favorite Pie:
Quiche
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Anything different/ new
You pass this tag to - anyone who wants to take it up.
Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Horton Hears a Who ( highly recommended for kids over 5)
What Book Are You Reading:
Being Indian by Pavan Varma, Famous Five series by Enid Blyton, The Palace of illusions by Chitra Banerji Divakaruni
Favorite Board Game:
Strategy and Cluedo; also scrabble
Favorite Magazine:
O, O at Home, Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, Vogue, Elle Decor
Favorite Smells:
Flowers, babies' hair, any fruity perfumes, musk
Favorite Sound:
The kids laughing, Geeta Dutt and Manna Dey, the sound of silence when the kids are asleep :)
Worst Feeling In The World:
Seeing Chubbocks crest-fallen face when I've scolded him
What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake?
Wish I could sleep some more
Favorite Fast Food Place:
Chat anywhere any time
Future Child's Name:
Still thinking, but Armaan for a boy ( left over from Puddi's time)
Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...”
Quit and travel around the world
Do You Drive Fast?
YNo, I drive Nuts ( my husband, that is)
Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
Yup - a when he's overeaten :)
Storms-Cool Or Scary?
Cool
What Was Your First Car?
Opel Kadett - 10 year old secondhand, dark blue, big, able to travel without a hitch at 200 km per hour - still miss the darn thing
Favorite Drink:
Jal Jeera/ roohafza ( ok, now have permanently deleted myself off the 'cool people' list)
Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Time I Would .....”
..Sleep
..go on a long vacay with A and the kids
..Finish writing my #$@ book
Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
Yup
If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?
Purple - but A may scream at the sight of me, and I'd get fired for sure!
Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Bangalore, mysore, Delhi, bangkok, Singapore, Calcutta, Mumbai, Fontainebleau, gurgaon
Favorite Sports To Watch:
If i have to it'd be cricket
One Nice Thing About The Person(s) Who Sent This To You:
Swati had a nice sense of humour and a light touch while blogging!
What's Under Your Bed?
A defunct music system awaiting repairs
Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
Yup, if A is reborn as himself too!
Morning Person Or Night Owl?
Early to bed and Late to rise is my new motto!
Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?
Scrambled
Favorite Place To Relax:
The terrace garden
Favorite Pie:
Quiche
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Anything different/ new
You pass this tag to - anyone who wants to take it up.
Some Thoughts on Religion
I'm a firm believer in God, though not so much in rituals. Long ago, I came across 2 lovely things in one of my favourite books, The Far Pavilions. One was a prayer, and one was an anecdote, which both express what I feel about religion and God.
The prayer goes ( roughly):
Forgive o lord, these three sins that are due to my human limitations:
Thou hast no name but I call thee by these names
Thou has no form but I worship thee in these forms
Thou needest no praise nor entreaties but I offer thee these salutations
The anecdote: Once a pathan asked Ash, the protagonist, about the the Holy Trinity in Christianity and how all three of the entities were meant to be one. The answer given by Ash seems to me an answer that could be about different religions as much as about the Trinity.
Ash sprinkled three drops of water on different corners of a plate and said - see, they are all different. He then tipped the plate so the drops ran together and said -all three are still there but now they have become one.
The same way that all religions are different but lead to the same God...
The prayer goes ( roughly):
Forgive o lord, these three sins that are due to my human limitations:
Thou hast no name but I call thee by these names
Thou has no form but I worship thee in these forms
Thou needest no praise nor entreaties but I offer thee these salutations
The anecdote: Once a pathan asked Ash, the protagonist, about the the Holy Trinity in Christianity and how all three of the entities were meant to be one. The answer given by Ash seems to me an answer that could be about different religions as much as about the Trinity.
Ash sprinkled three drops of water on different corners of a plate and said - see, they are all different. He then tipped the plate so the drops ran together and said -all three are still there but now they have become one.
The same way that all religions are different but lead to the same God...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Babies Galore
Ok, time to break the news - we're having an addition to the family sometime in October, and looking forward to a Bojjandi (that's a new baby, to you folks not well-versed in baby-ese) joining Chubbocks and Puddi in their revelry!
Whenever I visualised a family of my own, as I was growing up, I always saw one with three kids. Of course, I had no idea of all the hard work that went into being a mother, so when I invented stories for my cousins or sister, they all involved families with several children, one memorable series called 'jimmy-annie-lucy' having 16 cousins in all!
A was pretty clear that we were only going to have two kids, and as it turned out, by the time we got married, we were much older than the average in India so I more or less agreed with him ( chiefly less, as we shall find out!).
Our first child was an accident, of course, as are most first children. In fact, that was a time when a and I were so stressed out at new jobs and so tired that we joke that Chubbocks was an immaculate conception. We were the dumbest as well as the most stressed out bunnies in the forest, so I remember having all kinds of symptoms ( except for the morning sickness) that should have told us what was going on - an aversion to strong-smelling food, a tiredness so extreme in normally bouncing-off-the-walls me that I would come home from work, head straight for my parents home and collapse while dad cooked the evening meal for us - those were our pre-cook and maid days. Finally, we tumbled to it and home-tested and went in to see a doc recommended by a friend of mine who took one look at my face and said, "Your face is telling me you're expecting", though she proceeded to make a human pin-cushion of me nonetheless, to confirm the fact.
A was overjoyed - he'd been waiting to become a father for years. I on the other hand was more apprehensive and unsure if this was the right time, what with a new job and all. Eventually, of course, we figured there was no 'right time' and went on to have Chubbocks.
The second time around, the grand plan was to have a sibling asap, i.e. be expecting the second one by the time Chubbocks celebrated his first birthday. What we hadn't reckoned on was the extreme tiredness brought on by sleepless nights, so Puds took a while and some trying before she finally condescended to join the merry throng. I remember realising I was expecting much before any confirmation of the fact, because my skin and hair started glowing from day one. One day I happened to be at a marketplace and I was suddenly hit by such strong hunger pangs that I had to make a beeline for the nearest McDonalds and scarf down two McAloo Tikki burgers and a shake before my legs would agree to stand up straight. That's when the certainty overwhelmed me, and I hardly needed the line on the home test to confirm the news. a was away in Bombay and I remember calling him as he was boarding the flight back to gleefully announce the news.
This time around, we had gotten a little more sense than the first and second times so we had an inkling pretty soon that I was thataways again! It isn't planned and was a shock since it was despite precautions - but as anyone who's seen the serial Friends knows - they're only 99% effective - it says so on the box. We put off actually home testing, mostly because we were in denial. Life was finally pretty smooth, A had a new job, my job was going well, the two kids were settled down and we were starting to have a social life again as well as hoping to add back a huge chunk of income into the kitty as soon as we toilet-trained Puddi and stopped buying diapers.
Finally it got to a point where we had to have the home test. When the line turned pink, I had severaly mixed feelings as did A. We weren't sure we were ready to take this on now. And yet, after having experienced the joys of parenthood and seen what we create together, it was hard to go the other way. The arguments raged back and forth. On the first night, A spoke about hard practicality - the loans we had to repay, the financial and the time cost, the fact that we already felt we had too little time for the things that mattered and that this would add one more to that list. Manageability of life in general. I spoke on the soft side - how much joy our kids had brought us already, how much more one more could add, how I felt that the news was like God giving us a precious gift and us turning it away...I could almost picture Chubbocks or Puddi knocking at our door and us firmly slamming it shut and saying, "there's no more room".
The next day, at the doctor's, she started to give us a long list of do's when I said, voice quavering, "We're not sure what we're going to do about this yet." She told us about the options, and the words sounded harsh and discordant - dilation, curettage. I could imagine a sharp steel scalpel scraping away at a baby's tender body as she said it. That evening the ultrasound confirmed what we already knew and again as I told the technician that we weren't decided as yet, I felt the lines of my face wobbling over into that fighting-tears expression.
The next few days were incredibly busy for me - I had a morning to night event of my firm's every day. We had to decide by the end of the week.
The second night after we knew, the arguments shifted tracks - I argued on the practical side and A argued on the soft side. I called my sister to get her opinion. She lives in the US and has one child and I know from her how hard it is to cope with childcare there. She said that frankly she wouldn't be able to go through with it for the same host of practical reasons. I spoke to my soul-sister who'd gone through the same decision point and had decided not to go through with it. She said she had asked her elder daughter who had pointblank said that she didn't want any more siblings and that had been the final clincher, apart from the fact that she felt she wouldn't be able to love a third baby with the same intensity. We checked with Chubbocks who most amiably said he would like another sibling - a sister that he could take care of as well as Puddi or a brother so that both of them could look after Puddi. Stymied again!
The next day, by serendipity or cosmic alignment, I got a call from a friend of mine - the only one with three kids. She was in town and wanted to meet up, so during a break at the event, I dashed over to her place. her take on it was completely different - She said, the money will come from somewhere, we are fortunate to be so placed in life, but that both she and her husband felt they would have really regretted it if they hadn't gone in for a third child, and that they were debating having a fourth. Her eldest is 10, so she said, in 10 years time, both the elder two may be gone out of the house, but the youngest will still be at home. And she said a third baby wasn't one-third more work as we would expect, because everything was already set up for two kids so it was a marginal add-on in terms of organising and managing life.
That night when I went home, both A and I sat down and discussed the issue threadbare. We realised that all the hard stuff - money, time, jobs - were uncertainties in life. But what was certain was the amount of love we would feel for the third one and the amount of joy we would get out of him or her. We wondered when we had gotten so big in life that we could ignore God's whisper. And A produced our clincher - about 7 years ago, in a course at business school, I'd had to write an interview with myself 25 years into the future. And even in that, I had imagined myself with three children. We decided to go right ahead with the third baby. And as soon as we felt we had taken that decision, such a sense of peace, relief and joy came over us that we knew we had taken absolutely the right decision.
My sister produced the final winning argument the next day, if we had needed one - she'd shifted to the pro-baby side, and my BIL had always been on that side anyway. "There's nothing practical about having a baby. If you had to decide on that basis, you wouldn't want to have even the first one. And you know you can count on all the soft stuff, while you can't say the same for the practicalities."
So here we are, all set for baby number three. We've chosen to go with the soft certainties instead of the hard uncertainties, because in life, I believe, you have to believe in the soft stuff - love, belonging, kids, ideals - or what else is there?
As for Chubbocks, we checked back in with him: So do you want a boy or girl?
C: Whatever God gives us we will be happy with it!
Whenever I visualised a family of my own, as I was growing up, I always saw one with three kids. Of course, I had no idea of all the hard work that went into being a mother, so when I invented stories for my cousins or sister, they all involved families with several children, one memorable series called 'jimmy-annie-lucy' having 16 cousins in all!
A was pretty clear that we were only going to have two kids, and as it turned out, by the time we got married, we were much older than the average in India so I more or less agreed with him ( chiefly less, as we shall find out!).
Our first child was an accident, of course, as are most first children. In fact, that was a time when a and I were so stressed out at new jobs and so tired that we joke that Chubbocks was an immaculate conception. We were the dumbest as well as the most stressed out bunnies in the forest, so I remember having all kinds of symptoms ( except for the morning sickness) that should have told us what was going on - an aversion to strong-smelling food, a tiredness so extreme in normally bouncing-off-the-walls me that I would come home from work, head straight for my parents home and collapse while dad cooked the evening meal for us - those were our pre-cook and maid days. Finally, we tumbled to it and home-tested and went in to see a doc recommended by a friend of mine who took one look at my face and said, "Your face is telling me you're expecting", though she proceeded to make a human pin-cushion of me nonetheless, to confirm the fact.
A was overjoyed - he'd been waiting to become a father for years. I on the other hand was more apprehensive and unsure if this was the right time, what with a new job and all. Eventually, of course, we figured there was no 'right time' and went on to have Chubbocks.
The second time around, the grand plan was to have a sibling asap, i.e. be expecting the second one by the time Chubbocks celebrated his first birthday. What we hadn't reckoned on was the extreme tiredness brought on by sleepless nights, so Puds took a while and some trying before she finally condescended to join the merry throng. I remember realising I was expecting much before any confirmation of the fact, because my skin and hair started glowing from day one. One day I happened to be at a marketplace and I was suddenly hit by such strong hunger pangs that I had to make a beeline for the nearest McDonalds and scarf down two McAloo Tikki burgers and a shake before my legs would agree to stand up straight. That's when the certainty overwhelmed me, and I hardly needed the line on the home test to confirm the news. a was away in Bombay and I remember calling him as he was boarding the flight back to gleefully announce the news.
This time around, we had gotten a little more sense than the first and second times so we had an inkling pretty soon that I was thataways again! It isn't planned and was a shock since it was despite precautions - but as anyone who's seen the serial Friends knows - they're only 99% effective - it says so on the box. We put off actually home testing, mostly because we were in denial. Life was finally pretty smooth, A had a new job, my job was going well, the two kids were settled down and we were starting to have a social life again as well as hoping to add back a huge chunk of income into the kitty as soon as we toilet-trained Puddi and stopped buying diapers.
Finally it got to a point where we had to have the home test. When the line turned pink, I had severaly mixed feelings as did A. We weren't sure we were ready to take this on now. And yet, after having experienced the joys of parenthood and seen what we create together, it was hard to go the other way. The arguments raged back and forth. On the first night, A spoke about hard practicality - the loans we had to repay, the financial and the time cost, the fact that we already felt we had too little time for the things that mattered and that this would add one more to that list. Manageability of life in general. I spoke on the soft side - how much joy our kids had brought us already, how much more one more could add, how I felt that the news was like God giving us a precious gift and us turning it away...I could almost picture Chubbocks or Puddi knocking at our door and us firmly slamming it shut and saying, "there's no more room".
The next day, at the doctor's, she started to give us a long list of do's when I said, voice quavering, "We're not sure what we're going to do about this yet." She told us about the options, and the words sounded harsh and discordant - dilation, curettage. I could imagine a sharp steel scalpel scraping away at a baby's tender body as she said it. That evening the ultrasound confirmed what we already knew and again as I told the technician that we weren't decided as yet, I felt the lines of my face wobbling over into that fighting-tears expression.
The next few days were incredibly busy for me - I had a morning to night event of my firm's every day. We had to decide by the end of the week.
The second night after we knew, the arguments shifted tracks - I argued on the practical side and A argued on the soft side. I called my sister to get her opinion. She lives in the US and has one child and I know from her how hard it is to cope with childcare there. She said that frankly she wouldn't be able to go through with it for the same host of practical reasons. I spoke to my soul-sister who'd gone through the same decision point and had decided not to go through with it. She said she had asked her elder daughter who had pointblank said that she didn't want any more siblings and that had been the final clincher, apart from the fact that she felt she wouldn't be able to love a third baby with the same intensity. We checked with Chubbocks who most amiably said he would like another sibling - a sister that he could take care of as well as Puddi or a brother so that both of them could look after Puddi. Stymied again!
The next day, by serendipity or cosmic alignment, I got a call from a friend of mine - the only one with three kids. She was in town and wanted to meet up, so during a break at the event, I dashed over to her place. her take on it was completely different - She said, the money will come from somewhere, we are fortunate to be so placed in life, but that both she and her husband felt they would have really regretted it if they hadn't gone in for a third child, and that they were debating having a fourth. Her eldest is 10, so she said, in 10 years time, both the elder two may be gone out of the house, but the youngest will still be at home. And she said a third baby wasn't one-third more work as we would expect, because everything was already set up for two kids so it was a marginal add-on in terms of organising and managing life.
That night when I went home, both A and I sat down and discussed the issue threadbare. We realised that all the hard stuff - money, time, jobs - were uncertainties in life. But what was certain was the amount of love we would feel for the third one and the amount of joy we would get out of him or her. We wondered when we had gotten so big in life that we could ignore God's whisper. And A produced our clincher - about 7 years ago, in a course at business school, I'd had to write an interview with myself 25 years into the future. And even in that, I had imagined myself with three children. We decided to go right ahead with the third baby. And as soon as we felt we had taken that decision, such a sense of peace, relief and joy came over us that we knew we had taken absolutely the right decision.
My sister produced the final winning argument the next day, if we had needed one - she'd shifted to the pro-baby side, and my BIL had always been on that side anyway. "There's nothing practical about having a baby. If you had to decide on that basis, you wouldn't want to have even the first one. And you know you can count on all the soft stuff, while you can't say the same for the practicalities."
So here we are, all set for baby number three. We've chosen to go with the soft certainties instead of the hard uncertainties, because in life, I believe, you have to believe in the soft stuff - love, belonging, kids, ideals - or what else is there?
As for Chubbocks, we checked back in with him: So do you want a boy or girl?
C: Whatever God gives us we will be happy with it!
Relationships
Yesterday we had an old friend over for lunch, visiting from Mumbai, and sadly he confirmed something that we had had an inkling of for sometime but not known - he had split up with his wife of 9 years and was on his own.
It felt very disorienting to me to hear this and I'm still trying to make sense of it. We knew both of them from the time they began dating - we knew her through him, and A, I and he worked in the same organisation. We've karaoked together and gotten pissed together. Yesterday morning when I was reorganising the photo-album cupboard, I found a bunch of pictures of the four of us from a trip to Corbett and another one to Kasauli. The whole time he was at our place, I had a film reel running through the back of my mind of all the time we had spent together.
The four of us had gone off on a long weekend to Kasauli with absolutely no planning, since we were all four in advertising, and it is absolutely fatal in that profession to actually plan a short break - it always falls through. The place was packed and we eventually found a small little hotel, where they allowed us three buckets of water for everything from flushing to bathing! We went for lovely long walks through the city and out to where we could only see the hills and the greenery, and all the way there and back we sang lovely old Hindi film melodies...
We went to Corbett together and stayed at Dhikala, the government motel, many years ago...I still remember all four of us sharing nauseated feelings when the place decided to show a video of a python ingesting a deer right after we finished dinner...and how we laughed our heads off at the sign posted by the lake - Swimming is strictly forbidden ( due to crocodiles). Survivors will be prosecuted! We'd spotted hyenas lurking in the darkness after dinner, when all the lights were turned off with a stunning togetherness, and both she and I had had nightmares about tigers forcing their way into our rooms...
I remembered a New Year's party at their place shortly after they had gotten married, where the cook they had hired kicked the bucket - literally. He got drunk, kicked a huge bucket of cold water over everybody and fell down in a stupor, leaving the cold, shivering, damp partiers to grill their own kebabs...
A had stayed over with them any number of times when he was in Bombay on work...They had come over a couple of years ago, when I was expecting Puddi and had a lovely long lunch with us in our terrace garden and we'd all had a wonderful time...and by the end of that year they had decided to call it a day and go their separate ways...
It's thankfully, for us, almost the first instance of a couple splitting up where we were friends with both parties, though we've seen quite a few almost get there and then make it back together. It feels very close to home and I wonder how, after so many years of togetherness, after setting up homes together and dreaming joint dreams of the future, it all comes apart...
A was saying later that marriages really need work in this day and age and I wondered to myself that I had never found either of us putting in any 'work' on our marriage...But then he reminded me that both of us were very clear on some issues, like the fact that we and the family came first, ahead of work, friends or anything else...that we made it a point to ensure that we spent time together, even doing something as banal as watching a movie together, but we spent it actively with each other, sharing the experience...that we used each other as the key sounding board for any decision we had to make...that we had long ago decided that we would never live apart for any length of time because of a work opportunity...
I guess it all comes down to a shared sense of values and priorities - the couple has to have the same vision of a joint future...
It felt very disorienting to me to hear this and I'm still trying to make sense of it. We knew both of them from the time they began dating - we knew her through him, and A, I and he worked in the same organisation. We've karaoked together and gotten pissed together. Yesterday morning when I was reorganising the photo-album cupboard, I found a bunch of pictures of the four of us from a trip to Corbett and another one to Kasauli. The whole time he was at our place, I had a film reel running through the back of my mind of all the time we had spent together.
The four of us had gone off on a long weekend to Kasauli with absolutely no planning, since we were all four in advertising, and it is absolutely fatal in that profession to actually plan a short break - it always falls through. The place was packed and we eventually found a small little hotel, where they allowed us three buckets of water for everything from flushing to bathing! We went for lovely long walks through the city and out to where we could only see the hills and the greenery, and all the way there and back we sang lovely old Hindi film melodies...
We went to Corbett together and stayed at Dhikala, the government motel, many years ago...I still remember all four of us sharing nauseated feelings when the place decided to show a video of a python ingesting a deer right after we finished dinner...and how we laughed our heads off at the sign posted by the lake - Swimming is strictly forbidden ( due to crocodiles). Survivors will be prosecuted! We'd spotted hyenas lurking in the darkness after dinner, when all the lights were turned off with a stunning togetherness, and both she and I had had nightmares about tigers forcing their way into our rooms...
I remembered a New Year's party at their place shortly after they had gotten married, where the cook they had hired kicked the bucket - literally. He got drunk, kicked a huge bucket of cold water over everybody and fell down in a stupor, leaving the cold, shivering, damp partiers to grill their own kebabs...
A had stayed over with them any number of times when he was in Bombay on work...They had come over a couple of years ago, when I was expecting Puddi and had a lovely long lunch with us in our terrace garden and we'd all had a wonderful time...and by the end of that year they had decided to call it a day and go their separate ways...
It's thankfully, for us, almost the first instance of a couple splitting up where we were friends with both parties, though we've seen quite a few almost get there and then make it back together. It feels very close to home and I wonder how, after so many years of togetherness, after setting up homes together and dreaming joint dreams of the future, it all comes apart...
A was saying later that marriages really need work in this day and age and I wondered to myself that I had never found either of us putting in any 'work' on our marriage...But then he reminded me that both of us were very clear on some issues, like the fact that we and the family came first, ahead of work, friends or anything else...that we made it a point to ensure that we spent time together, even doing something as banal as watching a movie together, but we spent it actively with each other, sharing the experience...that we used each other as the key sounding board for any decision we had to make...that we had long ago decided that we would never live apart for any length of time because of a work opportunity...
I guess it all comes down to a shared sense of values and priorities - the couple has to have the same vision of a joint future...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Co-sleeping with kids - who needs it more?
Last couple of nights, both the kids have been in bed with us. It started off night before last, when it was pretty hot and the night air buzzing with vicious mosquitoes immune to any and every kind of remedy. The kids were very restless and after Puddi had woken up four times, wailing, Chubbocks woke up too and realised we had forgotten about the deal we made with him that he could sleep with us on Sunday night. He started kicking up a big fuss so A just brought both the kids in and we made what we could of the rest of the night, and went to work with giant headaches.
Last night, Chubbocks insisted on a make-up night in our room for Sunday's omission, and then Puds woke up restless again (she's learning about fear so having all kinds of nightmares) so they were back in. Our bed, while large, does get a bit cramped with four people in, especially when the two midgets insist on sleeping diagonally. At some point in the night, I woke up, back cramped from squeezing myself into the farthest corner of the bed that I could manage without falling out. I could hear the even rhythms of the 3 people I love best in the world rising and falling in unison. Puds was sprawled, one leg on Chubbocks, one arm on A's chest, head mashed up against the wall. Chubbocks lay spreadeagled, managing to land one leg on me, one on A and one hand on Puds. It was an incredibly connected feeling, and I loved having all four of us squashed into one bed...
And yet I was the one who moved the kids out. I'd been ready to do this for a long time before it happened, but A always insisted Chubbocks was too small. Finally, a few months before Puddi was due, I put my foot down and insisted we had to do it. I have friends who still co-sleep with their 2 kids, including over ten-year-olds and I really didn't want to do that. Luckily, Chubbocks had always slept in a separate bed from day one, so it was just a question of moving him to another room.
We had to slowly get him used to the concept - at that time he used to take to change very badly. Then I had to sweeten the deal, so I asked him what he would like in the new room and he said he wanted a jungle. So I set about painting a jungle. We'd got the walls done a pale green with a pale blue ceiling, but I had to paint the animals, and make sure they all looked friendly, even the tiger. I still remember going through the actual painting process, when I was about 7 months pregnant. I was huge, and used to get tired very quickly, so after every few bruch strokes, I'd have to sit and put my arm down. Once the paintings were done and the AC installed and the baby monitor bought, we were all set. By this time I was in my 9th month, and we had barely a week to go before Puds, so I figured we had to hurry up the process. I'd broken my ankle the night before, so my foot was in a fancy bandage too.
We hardened our hearts and presented it like a big adventure to chubbocks, who got quite excited and agreed easily to moving in. After reading him a couple of stories, we waited for him to fall asleep and then left. But I just couldn't get to sleep. I was convinced we wouldn't be able to hear him calling out because of the noise of 2 ACs. I tossed and turned. Then at one point, I thought I heard him cry out. I don't even remember jumping out of bed and rushing to his side, but before his first cry of 'mamma' had left his throat, I was already there, bandaged ankle and all. Patted him back and slowly limped back, at which point A fired me for getting out of bed and running when I was supposed to be resting my ankle. But whaddaya do, you're a mom? In fact, the whole first week, I could not sleep at all because I used to lie awake listening for him.
The first few nights, Chubs would manage to worm his way back for some part of the night, but over time he got used to it. With Puddi I was much more hardhearted and insisted she be shifted to the kids room as soon as we moved back from my parents place. By the time she was 3 months old, she had learned to go to sleep on her own if left alone in her crib. And now the kids like being next to each other at night - Chubbocks will pat her sometimes, or she reaches out of her crib to pull his hair, or gets up in the middle of the night and starts talking to him loudly.
But still, at least once a month, we all end up sharing one bed, mashed together like sardines, and I love every minute of it. Often, it's actually because A and I want to drag them in there when they would have ben perfectly happy to sleep in their own room, just so we can cuddle and tickle them and wake up all mussed up together.
Last night, Chubbocks insisted on a make-up night in our room for Sunday's omission, and then Puds woke up restless again (she's learning about fear so having all kinds of nightmares) so they were back in. Our bed, while large, does get a bit cramped with four people in, especially when the two midgets insist on sleeping diagonally. At some point in the night, I woke up, back cramped from squeezing myself into the farthest corner of the bed that I could manage without falling out. I could hear the even rhythms of the 3 people I love best in the world rising and falling in unison. Puds was sprawled, one leg on Chubbocks, one arm on A's chest, head mashed up against the wall. Chubbocks lay spreadeagled, managing to land one leg on me, one on A and one hand on Puds. It was an incredibly connected feeling, and I loved having all four of us squashed into one bed...
And yet I was the one who moved the kids out. I'd been ready to do this for a long time before it happened, but A always insisted Chubbocks was too small. Finally, a few months before Puddi was due, I put my foot down and insisted we had to do it. I have friends who still co-sleep with their 2 kids, including over ten-year-olds and I really didn't want to do that. Luckily, Chubbocks had always slept in a separate bed from day one, so it was just a question of moving him to another room.
We had to slowly get him used to the concept - at that time he used to take to change very badly. Then I had to sweeten the deal, so I asked him what he would like in the new room and he said he wanted a jungle. So I set about painting a jungle. We'd got the walls done a pale green with a pale blue ceiling, but I had to paint the animals, and make sure they all looked friendly, even the tiger. I still remember going through the actual painting process, when I was about 7 months pregnant. I was huge, and used to get tired very quickly, so after every few bruch strokes, I'd have to sit and put my arm down. Once the paintings were done and the AC installed and the baby monitor bought, we were all set. By this time I was in my 9th month, and we had barely a week to go before Puds, so I figured we had to hurry up the process. I'd broken my ankle the night before, so my foot was in a fancy bandage too.
We hardened our hearts and presented it like a big adventure to chubbocks, who got quite excited and agreed easily to moving in. After reading him a couple of stories, we waited for him to fall asleep and then left. But I just couldn't get to sleep. I was convinced we wouldn't be able to hear him calling out because of the noise of 2 ACs. I tossed and turned. Then at one point, I thought I heard him cry out. I don't even remember jumping out of bed and rushing to his side, but before his first cry of 'mamma' had left his throat, I was already there, bandaged ankle and all. Patted him back and slowly limped back, at which point A fired me for getting out of bed and running when I was supposed to be resting my ankle. But whaddaya do, you're a mom? In fact, the whole first week, I could not sleep at all because I used to lie awake listening for him.
The first few nights, Chubs would manage to worm his way back for some part of the night, but over time he got used to it. With Puddi I was much more hardhearted and insisted she be shifted to the kids room as soon as we moved back from my parents place. By the time she was 3 months old, she had learned to go to sleep on her own if left alone in her crib. And now the kids like being next to each other at night - Chubbocks will pat her sometimes, or she reaches out of her crib to pull his hair, or gets up in the middle of the night and starts talking to him loudly.
But still, at least once a month, we all end up sharing one bed, mashed together like sardines, and I love every minute of it. Often, it's actually because A and I want to drag them in there when they would have ben perfectly happy to sleep in their own room, just so we can cuddle and tickle them and wake up all mussed up together.
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